


Lingerie and a Journalist

by Twinion



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-04-11 14:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 42,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4438811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twinion/pseuds/Twinion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla AU.</p><p>I still remember the day I met Carmilla, every little feature is still evidently clear in my mind but she forced me to choose, my career or her. What should I do?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Meet

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction for a couple of years and my first Carmilla one. Hopefully you like it.

Staring intently I eyed her up and down to slowly take in every feature of the perfection stood before my eyes. Her long wavy dark hair that picked up the glints of sunlight and the darkness to reveal the different shades her hair possessed, to her long legs and cute little butt.

My name is Laura Hollis and this is the day when I first met Carmilla Karnstein.

It was a hot summers day and the sun radiated its heat on my face and made me squint with every image I dared to let my brain intake as I stepped off the plane in Austria. For the past few days I’d business to attend to in Canada and had momentarily realised how much I’d missed this little country and the people. Even the mountains that used to hinder my want to grow up and have a successful career were something I had missed, if only for a minute or two. I relished in the beams of sunlight and vowed to never wish to escape the place I called home.

I caught a taxi home and placed my belongings in my room. Suitcase. Check. Purse. Check. Doctor Who nerdy stuff I managed to get a sweet deal for in Toronto. Check. Good, I have everything. It was just like any other day where I’d been out of the country, unpack, food and a quick check of my diary to see what I had planned for the rest of the day and the day after to see if I needed to book anything.

I spoke outloud as I landed on today’s date. ‘Friday, 10th July 2015. Land back home. Call Dad and tell him I’m home. Attend journalism convention at 7pm. Shit.’ I glanced at the time, it was 3pm and I hadn’t a dress for the night.

After calling my Dad and informing him that I’d see him at some point this week, I trudged to my wardrobe and attempted to find something decent to wear but by 4pm I hadn’t found anything.

‘Looks like I’m going to have to go shopping,’ I mumbled to myself.

As I drove into town, I drove away from the sun and it bounced back on the rear view mirror to remind me that it was always there and wasn’t disappearing any time soon. It was nature’s ‘Welcome back’ for me and the warm smile continued as I pulled up in the parking lot and began to browse through each window. Without warning my feet began to walk into a lingerie shop as something had caught my eye but it was not the beautiful bra and panties set on show in the display, but rather someone I’d want to see wearing them.

Staring intently I eyed her up and down to slowly take in every feature of the perfection stood before my eyes. Her long wavy dark hair that picked up the glints of sunlight and the darkness to reveal the different shades her hair possessed, to her long legs and cute little butt.

I closed my eyes momentarily to figure out how I was even going to approach her. Her image was scorched into the back of my eyelids and like the sun earlier, I couldn’t escape her, how similar I thought to myself.

‘Can I help you?’ I heard a voice call out.

My eyes flung open. Crap, she’d seen me closing my eyes. What must she be thinking right now. Come on, girl the hell up Hollis!

‘Hi, I… Um… No, I’m just looking,’ I stuttered, turning away from her and looking behind me at the underwear on the racks.

‘Are you searching for your boyfriend?’ she asked.

What? She’s asking about a boyfriend? Why is she interested? Is she gay and trying to suss out whether I am? Oh Hogwarts Laura, calm down.

‘Why do you ask?’ I ask, putting on a brave face, not looking at anything but my shaking hands.

‘Well you’re looking in the male section.’

I finally look at what I’m touching and realise I’m looking at a section of boxers.

‘Oh… Errm… I just… Well… You know? They’re comfier,’ I falter.

‘Right,’ she said, an evidently sarcastic tone in her voice, ‘Well I’m just going to be finishing putting new stock on the lines so if you need me just yell.’

Oh God. What am I doing? I bury my face in a pair of boxers I’d picked up from the racks, sure that it’s red from embarrassment and decide I need to figure out how to make a move quickly, I have a convention to attend in a few hours. How is it that I can stand up in front of people and give a speech but I’m not able to tell a girl that she’s attractive and ask her out on a date?

‘What new stock do you have?’ I asked politely, turning to face her hoping that my face was no longer red and that I could get her talking a little to break the tense atmosphere I had created.

‘Oh nothing that would interest you,’ she politely replied, focussed on the items she was putting on the rails.

‘Why do you say that?’ I asked sounding a little defeated. Did she think I wouldn’t look good in them? Laura! Stop thinking like this.

She turned to face me with a slight smile, ‘Well, we haven’t had a delivery of men's boxers come in today.’

I let out a grin and look down at my clasped hands realising I haven’t introduced myself and put one hand in front of me to initiate a handshake - the one thing I will never fail at, ‘I’m Laura.’

The young lady walks towards me and reciprocates the handshake, ‘Carmilla.’

‘That’s a beautiful name. Where’s it from?’ I responded still clasping onto her hand.

‘I have absolutely no idea,’ she smiled looking at me to our hands, ‘May I have my hand back?’

‘Oh, yeah sure,’ I replied back as I watched her run the same hand through her hair.

We stood there in silence, strangely however, even though I’d felt awkward previously, I now felt comfortable standing and looking at her. She was simply stunning.

‘Sorry, I really must get back on with my work, I really want to leave on time today but if I haven’t stocked the shop up then I’ll have to work overtime,’ she apologised.

‘That’s fine, do you want a hand?’

‘Well considering you just gave me my other hand back, I should be fine,’ she grinned, looking up at me through her eyelashes in a flirtatious manner.

I smiled a cheesy grin back. I was in absolute awe as she took up a handful of bras in one hand and began to place them individually onto the racks above her head.

I managed to momentarily tear my eyes away from her and look at the clock above the counter and it read ‘4:55’ when I realised that stores would be closing in 5 minutes.

‘I’m sorry, I need to go,’ before running out of the door. I ran so quick I didn’t get a chance to look back at Carmilla’s disappointed face as she slammed the door shut hard behind me, smashing one of the panes of glass in it, dumping the underwear in her hands and grabbing her stuff ready to lock up and leave.

I ran into a shop that had dresses on display and hurried to the dress section.

‘We’re closing in two minutes,’ the lady behind the counter said.

‘I know, I’ll make it quick,’ I replied quickly, finding a pretty blue pencil dress with a black lace ruffle around the neck. I found my size and brought it quickly and realised I had around 30 minutes to get ready when I got home.

I ran back in the direction of my car but stopped dead in my tracks when noticing the broken glass from the door of the lingerie shop underneath my feet. I instantly wondered if Carmilla was ok.

I went up the step to the shop, ‘Carmilla?’ I called out. Trying the door which opened with ease. I stepped into the store further to see the bra and panties strewn across the shop floor. ‘Carmilla? Are you ok?’ I called out again but to no avail, there was silence. Then the thought crossed my mind that Carmilla could have been kidnapped, what if this was a robbery? What if the Tardis had landed in here and she was the new companion for the Doctor? Or what if Death Eaters had arrived? I whipped out my phone, ‘I’m going to call the police if you don’t come out now.’

I began to dial on my phone when I saw a shadow come out of the back store. I grabbed a clothes hanger and put it above my head, only to see that it was Carmilla who had appeared.

‘You look ridiculous,’ Carmilla stated as I put the clothes hanger down.

‘What happened?’ I demanded.

‘Oh so you found the balls to ask me something?’ Carmilla snapped and I was taken aback. The woman I had found attractive, calm and seductive had changed into an angry so and so who had a very rigid stance.

‘I’m sorry?’ I asked being all that I could muster off my lips.

‘No, I’m sorry,’ she replied sighing contemplatively whilst putting down the dustpan and brush she’d brought out with her, ‘I had an accident.’

I looked at her and she looked so pure and innocent whilst looking as though she had the weight of the world on her shoulders.

‘Is there anything I can help with?’ I asked.

‘Why did you leave?’

‘What?’

‘You pissed me off by leaving and I slammed the door which made the window shatter. So why did you leave? Did I do something wrong?’ Wow… She cuts to the point.

‘No, not at all. I had to get a dress for tonight. It’s nothing to do with you, honestly,’ I reassured.

‘Oh,’ she muttered. Her stance deflated back into the calm self she was. I realised that she wasn’t angry before, just defensive.

‘Let me help you clean up?’ I offered. Well I mean I was partially to blame for the mess.

‘No, it’s my fault, you shouldn’t have to clean up my mess,’ she smiled slightly.

‘Well I’m more than happy to help, you said you wanted to leave as soon as possible,’ I smiled back.

‘As long as you’re sure? I don’t want to keep you from doing anything important.’

‘There’s nothing more important than helping a pretty girl like you,’ I smiled which made her blush slightly. Yes! Go Hollis! You made a girl blush. Now if you were alone, you’d start doing a crazy celebratory dance.

‘Sure,’ Carmilla mustered.

I sorted the door out whilst she continued to stock the shelves and I finished before she did. I saw this as my chance and picked up a bunch of panties ‘accidentally’ brushing her hand as I did so. She froze and looked up at me, exchanging smiles between us. Did this mean she liked me? Oh I hope so.

Once finishing stock the shelves it was only 5:15pm and we couldn’t take our eyes off of one another.

‘Thanks,’ Carmilla said, breaking the silence first.

‘Oh, you’re welcome,’ I replied. Come on Hollis, this is your chance. ASK HER!

I looked up at her to see that she was still looking at me, ‘So... There’s this convention tonight that my work is throwing and I was thinking, since we got off such… Err… To a… Rough start earlier that we could go together?’

Her face froze, that was obviously not what she was expecting, ‘A convention?’

‘Yeah, I’m a journalist, I have a convention tonight and I can take a plus one.I wondered if you’d want to be my… my… date?’ I said closing my eyes on the final word. Upon opening my eyes, I saw her standing still with an expressionless face and felt I had to keep going, ‘You know, maybe hang out for a while there. Look at the stars.’

Carmilla’s face softened and she looked up at me through her eyelashes, ‘I think I might like that very much,’ the seductress replied.

I attempted to avert my gaze from her dark eyes but didn’t succeed until I remembered how little time we had, ‘Okay! So, it starts at 7pm at the memorial centre just down the street,’ I replied excitedly.

‘Yeah...’ She brooded, ‘7pm.’

I smiled and nodded as I exited the door that I taped up.

‘Laura?’ She called out quietly and I turned back quickly as though her voice was a dog whistle and I was the dog, ‘What do I wear?’

‘Oh, it’s smart, so anything smart will do,’ I smile.

I begin to walk away and as soon as I’m out of sight of the lingerie shop, I do a little victory dance, ‘Go Laura!’ I start singing out of tune and as I look up, I see there is an elderly lady walking her white poodle who are both stood in shock.

‘Are you ok dear?’ She asks me.

‘Oh, I’m over the moon,’ I reply as I head towards my car to drive back to my place and get ready for tonight. I haven’t had a date in years, especially someone who makes my heart stop when I see her.


	2. Wow, She's So Sexy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I invited Carmilla to my journalism convention, only to find out that there is a lot that I don't know about her. I mean we literally just met but... Just. Wow?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, I legitimately almost forgot to update this. I wrote it last week as I've been revising so hard for my driving test tomorrow. But here it is :) And I look forwards to sharing the next chapter with you next week. Plus thanks for all the kudos, comments and support you lot have given me :)

‘Oh shit,’ I said looking in the mirror, ‘Why didn’t you try this dress on first?’

I struggled with the zipper at the back of the dress that hugged my hips unbelievably tight and went down to my shins rather than just below my knees.

‘I wish I wasn’t so small,’ I groaned, ‘How do people breathe in dresses this tight?’

Then the last thing I needed to hear shrilled my ears; the sound of the dress ripping made my eyes close instantly as I knew the inevitable had happened and I’d pushed too hard.

‘Oh Laura, you need to stop eating so many cookies,’ I mumbled.

I turned around to inspect the damage and couldn’t help but allow my eyes to wander over to the clock above my door that read 6:15 and I realised how late I would be, how I didn’t have a dress but more importantly, how Carmilla would assume I’d stood her up. The thought of upsetting Carmilla again today made me hobble to my wardrobe with the torn dress still clinging onto my body and I picked out the first thing I could find, did my hair in the quickest way I know how and finally put as little make-up on as I could. I grabbed my bag and finally saw what I had done to myself just before I left the bedroom.

‘You look like you’re about to flee your brooding lover across the moors,’ I chuckled as I stared down at my white dress or whatever I could attempt to call it, it was like a toga but I honestly didn’t care, not even the fluffy sleeves put me off, I just wanted to leave and see Carmilla.

I glanced at the clock that now read 6:30 and ran down the stairs towards my car, almost forgetting to lock the front door. I got in my Mercedes and drove off, this was the only time I’d get out something so ‘flashy’ in terms of my car, I much prefered my Fiat Panda but I got laughed at by other people when I’d turn up to events in a little ‘common’ car so I decided to upgrade, a Mercedes E-Class Cabriolet wasn’t too bad, it was a luxury car but it was easy on the eye. The less attention I could bring to myself, the better.

Driving down the freeway I could feel my heart pound heavy in my chest, I’ve done stories before that should have been the most nerve-wracking thing I’ve ever done but this trumped it. I was so nervous to see her again. Why was I so scared? I’ve only met her once, ‘Worst crush ever,’ I groaned.

As I pulled up to see a line of cars waiting to be valeted, my heartbeat must have skyrocketed, ‘Come on Hollis, after the convention they’re holding a Hawaiian themed party, plan is to hit the luau, hang for a while, roast some marshmallows. Wait! What if she’s Vegan? She can’t eat marshmallows if she’s Vegan...’ I heard a loud knock on my window and visually jumped at the noise. Rolling down my window I noticed a man in an incredibly sharp suit and realised he was a valet.

‘May I take your keys Ma’am?’

‘Oh, sure,’ I replied politely as I stepped out of the car and onto the red carpet. I was met by a flood of flashing lights and it took my eyes a while to adjust. Oh well done Hollis, now that will mean a bunch of photos of me looking like a dumb idiot.

I moved past the photographers and entered the venue, there were banners across the arches and it looked as though we were in an architectural monument, it was beautiful. However the night would only be truly beautiful if I could find Carmilla.

I sauntered through the hall, looking everywhere with no luck. It was now 7:05 and I began to wonder if she’d stood me up. I went near the entrance and began to mingle with people whilst keeping my focus on the doorway that I had previously come through.

It was now 7:15 and I had become more involved in talking to the individuals around me. I had met a sports journalist named Danny who seemed pretty cool, not to mention very tall, very athletic and very hot.

‘So what inspired you to become a sports journalist?’ I asked intrigued.

‘I work out,’ she beamed in a flirtatious manner which made me blush bright red, ‘What articles might I have read by you?’

‘Well, I wrote a couple of articles recently, but I’m mainly known for my vlogging of...’ I began until I was cut off by shouting coming from the entrance way.

‘You dimwits!’ I could hear Carmilla yelling from the hall. Oh crap.

‘Sorry, that will be my date,’ I said as I excused myself from Danny’s company and I was sure I saw her smile drop when I mentioned ‘date’ but maybe I was just imagining it.

As I approached the door I heard more of the conversation.

‘Let me in, I’m a date, I was invited,’ Carmilla demanded.

‘You’re not on the guest list so who invited you?’ A male asked.

‘Her name was Laura,’ Carmilla replied.

‘Last name?’

‘I don’t know, she never told me her last name,’ Carmilla said. Oh crap, I didn’t did I.

I finally got to the door and opened it quietly. My voice mirrored my actions and came out as a quiet, mouse-like squeak, ‘She’s with me.’

Carmilla looked up and I’m sure that was a smile and those seduction eyes. Just. Wow.

‘Why is she not on the guest list, Miss Hollis?’ The security guard asked me.

‘It was a last minute decision, I’m sorry, I should have made arrangements but it was honestly the last thing on my mind,’ I replied to the man, desperately trying not to look at Carmilla who was eyeing me up and down.

‘You’re going to either need a wristband as you’re not on the guest list or you’ll have to stay with Miss Hollis all night. Which shall you choose?’ The man asked.

‘Oh believe me, I don’t plan on leaving her side until the night is over,’ she said, her voice dropping an octave and her eyes not leaving mine. I was sure I was red.

‘In you go then.’

I opened the door for her and as soon as she stepped through, she grabbed my arm and pulled me in close, ‘Don’t you look like a virgin sacrifice?’

My whole body shivered at her touch and her voice, it was like a mini orgasm spiralling through my veins until it hit me deep down and I’m sure I panted loudly making her smile.

I finally got a chance to look at her. Her hair was perfectly curled in a light manner and shaped to an amazing standard whereas mine was a scruffy plait on one side, she had dark red lipstick placed perfectly on her lips with sculpted eyebrows whereas I had nudes on and nothing special. But the thing that had me completely in awe was that she was in leather pants and a corset. This was not what I was imagining, it wasn’t technically ‘smart’ but there was not a hell in Hogwarts that I was going to complain.

‘I’m not the one in a corset. Which… Wow,’ I said speechless. Carmilla took two glasses of champagne off of the plate of a waitress, ‘Also, what is happening here?’

‘This cupcake is called champagne,’ she smiled sweetly.

‘I know that,’ I smiled back, ‘I just don’t usually drink at events, trust me, you won’t be able to get me drinking that unless you cast the Imperius Curse on me but I’m sure you don’t want to end up in Azkaban.’

She smiled slightly as she looked down at the champagne before returning her gaze to meet mine as she began to speak, her voice still low and seductive. ‘I have my methods. They served champagne at the first party I ever attended.’

‘You say that like it was a hundred years ago...’ I laughed awkwardly.

‘Feels like more than that. Like something seen underwater from a great distance. God I’m a nostalgic idiot tonight,’ she said sounding disappointed although I could tell it was with herself and not with me.

‘Do you want to come and sit down with me? The ceremony will start in 5 minutes,’ I said, looking nervously at my watch.

‘Sure,’ she replied as we began to walk, my hand in the crook of her arm, ‘What exactly is this event anyway? I saw the word ‘luau’ when I walked in, why are we at a Hawaiian themed party? I was sure you said this was a convention of sorts.’

‘Errm… Yeah… About that. It’s kind of half convention and networking and half an awards ceremony slash honouring members of the journalist community who have done something amazing in the past year,’ I replied. She remained silent but seemed content. ‘Oh wait, I don’t actually know where we’re sitting.’

‘Don’t worry buttercup, I checked as we came in,’ she replied with a smile, leading me to a table and pulling out my chair for me to sit down on. I was sure that the tables list was the other side of the room and that she couldn’t have been closer than 50 yards away. Maybe there was another one elsewhere that I didn’t see. But how did they get another place on the table for Carmilla when I didn’t even tell the organisers that she was coming?

‘Sweetheart, are you ok?’ Carmilla woke me with a soft touch on my arm.

‘Oh, yeah, I’m just thinking that this is so beautiful, all the architecture and stuff. I don’t know anything about architecture but I know it’s beautiful,’ I replied.

‘It is wonderful isn’t it? We’re surprisingly in the wedding hall of the building, it must have been the only place that would fit this many people,’ she replied. I’m sure my mouth dropped to the floor. How did she know this? And as though she could read my mind, ‘I know because we passed the brass panther designed by Hans Mauracher,’ she took a small sip of her champagne, ‘Panthers are my spirit animal.’

‘Wow, that’s impressive. Are you a fan of art then?’ I asked intrigued.

‘I have a lot of eclectic interests that have developed throughout my life.’  
I had no idea what to say to her, she was amazing, beautiful and intelligent. She was sprawled back in her chair in a laid-back manner that I admired and I wished I was as confident.

‘Didn’t your mother ever teach you it was rude to stare?’ Carmilla asked playfully.

‘Oh, errm, I don’t remember my mother. She died when I was young,’ I replied awkwardly.

‘Shit, I’m sorry cupcake, if I’d have known I wouldn’t have said that,’ she leaned in and placed her hand on my arm and began to caress my flesh with her thumb.

‘It’s ok, it’s not like it’s a big deal. How can I ever miss something I didn’t have?’

‘That’s a very positive way to think about things. My parents are dead and my adoptive mother and brother are too. I only have my adopted sister left but I rarely see her,’ Carmilla replied returning to her calm manner.

‘I’m sorry too for what it’s worth, I couldn’t imagine life without my Dad,’ I said quietly.

‘It’s fine, as you said, how can you miss something you never had?’

We sat gazing at one another until I heard a large cough.

‘Laura Hollis, THE Laura Hollis?’ I looked over to the Amazonian image of Danny Lawrence who hovered over our table.

‘Errm?’ I replied.

‘I knew I knew your name from somewhere. You reported on the missing girls at Silas University,’ Danny excitedly recalled.

‘Yeah, that’s me,’ I blushed.

‘You’re amazing, I remember reading the transcripts for it. I never got a chance to watch the vlogs but you’re a legend. No wonder you’re here to get a massive award. You deserve it!’

‘Thanks, I’m not that amazing though, I’m no hero.’

‘Oh you are. Don’t talk it down. You put yourself on the front line to save those kids and you took down the massively corrupt system of the University board. I used to go to Silas and I was hoping someone would stop the Dean. Thank God she’s dead,’ Danny laughed and I couldn’t help but see Carmilla shuffle uncomfortably beside me.

‘Sorry, I’m Danny...’ Danny said looking at Carmilla for the first time but she stopped dead in her tracks and her eyes widened, ‘Fang-face?’

‘Xena,’ Carmilla replied not taking her piercing eyes off of Danny.


	3. The Awards and the Luau

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The awards ceremony has started and so has the luau but will the night end up as an extinguished flame or in fireworks?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's taken me so long, I've been quite busy in RL dealing with my driving license. For anyone wondering, I passed my theory last Tuesday :) It took me so long to start writing the chapter as I didn't really know the right way to progress to where I wanted to end it but once I started, I couldn't stop hence why it's so long. I hope you guys like it. Please leave kudos and comment :)

My eyes shot back and forth between Carmilla and Danny. How did they know one another? Please say they weren’t exes!

‘I didn’t expect to see you again,’ Danny regarded coldly.

‘Want a dog biscuit for stating the obvious?’ Carmilla snapped.

‘So you two know each other?’ I peeped.

The two of them glared at me as though I was making sound in a library and in sync they returned to look back at one another.

‘What are you doing here?’ Danny asked, standing taller than before, using the additional height she had to tower over my date.

‘I was invited, I am Laura’s date,’ she smiled smugly.

Danny’s face turned pale and her eyes widened drastically, ‘If you hurt her, you know I will st...’

‘Don’t worry, I don’t plan on making her into a pet,’ Carmilla growled.

‘I’m keeping my eye on you dead girl,’ Danny threatened as she walked away.

‘Likewise puppy,’ Carmilla called after her.

I sat shocked, staring at Carmilla and wondered what had happened in front of my eyes. What the frilly hell was that?

‘Are you ok cutie?’ Carmilla asked, back to her calm tone again. How was it possible that she could be so angry one second and then so calm the next? I just didn’t understand.

‘What happened?’ I managed to say.

‘Danny and I, well we… This isn’t something we have to talk about,’ Carmilla finally answered.

‘Were you involved?’

‘God no. What made you think that?’ Carmilla chuckled with a slight smile.

‘You were just very, I don’t know. There was a lot of tension,’ I attempted to explain.

‘Trust me creampuff, there is nothing going on between me and the wet dog and there never was,’ Carmilla shuddered as though the thought disgusted her.

‘She called you ‘Fang-face’ and you called her ‘Xena’? What? Why?’

Carmilla stared as though she didn’t know how to approach an answer when we were both interrupted by someone stepping up to the mic and doing a small mic check.

‘1, 2, 3. Mic check. Good it’s working. Hello ladies and gentlemen and I welcome you to ‘The 6th Awards Ceremony for Talented and Inspirational Journalists in Austria, 2015,’ the man said, there was a brief round of applause, ‘We hope that you’ve enjoyed networking and have made some very good contacts, as tonight is not just about those who have done well but also the future generation of those who will do well in the field of journalism.’

The awards were presented quickly. People knew who would be achieving them, it wasn’t like the BAFTA’s or the Oscar’s where there would be a reveal before the winner was announced. I preferred this style better, admittedly it wasn’t as entertaining to watch but it went quicker and at least you knew whether to prepare a speech or not, something that even though I’m a journalist, I had very few skills in.

I took note of some of the interesting articles I had seen be announced. One that interested me specifically was the upcoming science journalist, Susan LaFontaine who when doing the speech they had planned, specifically reminded us that they preferred they/them/their pronouns. Not only did that spark an interest to me but the method they used to write with intrigued me also. They performed their own science experiments and then wrote it up in a science magazine. I wonder what Sheldon Cooper would think about that. Another person I found interesting was the journalist who went undercover for a year to understand a fraternity and reported on the common myths and misconceptions individuals had on fraternities. He was an interesting character and was still submerged in the ‘bro’ life by the fact he went by his last name, Kirsch, rather than his first name, Wilson. Although who could really blame him?

‘Now, ladies and gentlemen. We have the main award of the night, the award which all of you are waiting for. This award goes out every year to the individual who has had the most impact on the journalism community. This year, it was an obvious choice, the girl who had reported on corruption in Universities and managed to bring change to a damaged education system that the governments were unaware of. She truly is an inspirational journalist that we all strive to be like, please welcome to the stage, Laura Hollis,’ the host announced.

The people in the room were cheering and it reminded me of a football match. I stood up and was sure my face was bright red, it didn’t help that I looked directly at Carmilla as I began to walk to the stage, she was clapping slowly with a seductive grin. Oh wow. I couldn’t look at her whilst I did my speech.

I stood on the stage and shook hands with the host who handed me an award, it was a golden statue with an open book and a pen sprawled across both pages. How very fitting considering I had done a vlog and not written a single thing down.

I stood up to the mic and realised it was too tall for me, I stood on my tip toes and it was still too high for me. A man rushed in to pull the mic down to my height but it seemed it didn’t want to budge. ‘It’s as low as it will go,’ he told me.

I felt so embarrassed that I grabbed the mic out of its holder and dismissed him, making a ‘shooing’ motion with my hands.

‘Thank you for this,’ I said holding up the trophy and looking at it, ‘It’s rather fitting isn’t it? A book and a pen when I used a computer and a camera,’ I began to chuckle hoping that others would find it funny, but all I got was nervous laughter. I had to make that joke didn’t I? Oh Hollis, you messed up again, ‘I can’t say that I feel I deserve this award. I did shed light on something corrupt and evil who harmed people but I wouldn’t say I’m in any shape or form an inspiration to young journalists. I was reckless, stupid and scared most of the time but I am truly honoured to be standing here, knowing that you as a collective believe my work to have been a fantastic achievement. Now moving on to tonight, I’ve found some wonderful journalists and heard some interesting stories and it reminds me why I love the business so much. We are all different and we all have our own interests but we all still write for one reason, because we love to do so. Our field isn’t like music or acting, we don’t get paid astronomical amounts to be catchy or to look good, we get paid little to write something that engages thousands, if not millions, even billions of people. Our stories are always different but the impact we have will always be the same. I couldn’t imagine my life without journalism, thank you for this award but I want to say that it goes to all of us collectively, especially to the students at the school who are now having a better life now that the Dean at Silas-U is no more,’ I smiled and the reporters’ applauds roared through the room, the architecture making it sound just that little bit louder due to the incredible acoustics. I wondered what a choir would sound like in here, or any type of music.

I left the stage after putting the mic back in its stand and went to sit down by Carmilla, award in hand.

As soon as my butt touched the seat, her arms were wrapped around my arm closest to her. She leaned in, ‘That was beautiful buttercup.’

Her voice sent shivers down my spine and all the hairs on my arms stood to attention. I had a massive urge to kiss her but I knew this was the completely inappropriate time because what if she didn’t want it and I kissed her and she ran off? I couldn’t have that happening. No I wouldn’t let it.

I sent her a smile to which she returned one back and placed her cheek on my tricep and rubbed downwards in a small and swift motion as though she were a cat and was claiming me as her territory. It was cute and I liked it, flesh upon flesh that moved so well together, I couldn’t help but wonder if our flesh would move well together if we were in be…

‘What are you having for dinner?’ Carmilla interrupted my train of thought.

‘Oh I haven’t a clue, I haven’t even looked at the menu,’ I replied flustered.

‘Starter - Hot sticky wings with sour cream. Well what wings are they? Could be fairy wings for all I know. Or you can choose hot breads and olive tapenades. Yuck. Anchovies are made only for pizza. Or the final option is fried camembert with onion jam. Well I do have a thing for cheese,’ Carmilla regarded giving a soft smile.

‘Yeah, I agree with you. Yeah, Camembert,’ I smiled totally lost in her gaze, her white teeth, her silky hair, her chocolate brown eyes.

She turned to face the menu again, ‘Well the main meals don’t look any more appetising, a fillet steak, too tender I like a fight when I eat my meat,’ she paused and looked over at me, eyeing me up and down with those seduction eyes and I’m sure my core was on fire, ‘Salad, definitely not, a lamb rump, once again too tender. I suppose I’ll take to settle for teriyaki beef with teriyaki sauce. Creampuff?’ she handed me the menu and I realised that the only thing I could eat as a main was the salad even though it seemed less attractive, damn being pescetarian.

‘I’ll have the salad,’ I said and Carmilla’s eyes widened.

‘Salad?’ she asked trying not to stifle back a laugh.

‘I don’t eat meat,’ I replied quietly.

‘You don’t?’ she asked, this time sounding incredibly surprised.

‘I eat fish but not meat, so I’ll have to settle for the salad even if it is boring,’ I replied and she smiled.

‘I think I’ll be able to make you change your mind on eating meat, once you taste it you’ll...’

‘No,’ I interrupted, ‘I don’t eat meat, never have, never will.’

‘Oh sweetheart, I’m not talking about dead meat,’ she bit her lip and eyed me up and down, then I realised what she was talking about. Oh God, I’m flushed all over again.

‘That’s nice,’ I whispered.

‘I could just eat,’ she breathed, leaning closer into me, ‘You,’ still moving closer, ‘Alive.’

‘Oh,’ I whimpered.

‘Now do you want any sides with your salad?’ she asked coolly, taking the menu out of my hand.

I was still panting and trying to quench the hunger I felt down below. ‘I - Errm...’

‘I won’t, garlic bread is offered in one and the other has coleslaw, you can never trust chefs to not put garlic in coleslaw,’ she announced.

‘Errm...’ I composed myself and leaned over her shoulder. Surely two can play at that game, my hand ‘accidentally’ grazed her boob and I let out a light breath into her ear to which I felt her tense up, ‘I like the idea of the vegetables, garlic bread and onion rings, definitely onion rings, yes,’ I said and then realised how I’d returned to my normal self instead of holding the seductive tone I wanted. Epic fail.

‘As long as you keep the garlic bread away from me then I’ll be ok,’ she stated.

‘Why? Are you allergic to garlic or something?’ I joked.

‘Yes,’ she replied.

I had only been joking but at least we knew our boundaries, I don’t eat meat, she doesn’t eat garlic. Ok?

I stared at the menu for a little bit to look at the desserts. They made my mouth water and I was sure that if I wasn’t worried about my head being right next to Carmilla, I would be drooling. Homemade pecan pie with vanilla ice cream, chocolate and hazelnut torte with caramel sauce and vanilla ice cream, chocolate truffles and even a cheese board, ‘I don’t know what I want for dessert though,’ I stated.

‘Oh I know exactly what I want for my dessert,’ she side eyed me and the look was so hot that I’m sure I took a deep intake of breath.

‘Maybe, we can come back to that,’ I whispered.

‘Definitely,’ she said, maintaining the side eye.

*

The dinner was good, I eventually ended up choosing to eat the pecan pie for dessert and Carmilla chose the chocolate and hazelnut torte which looked delicious, so much so that Carmilla offered me a spoonful and said ‘I’m more than happy to let you eat my dessert.’ The sexual undertones continued all night and we were left having our own conversation whilst the rest of the table had a group chat. We’d completely missed out on all of the chatter besides when they wanted to know more about my story when I was halfway through my main course to which Carmilla stole one of my onion rings. I didn’t like her stealing my food, but she claimed it was ‘compensation’ for forgetting about her for a while, as if I could ever forget about her.

As the sun fell, everyone was ushered outside to begin the after party; the Hawaiian after party. In hindsight, I’m glad that we ate before hand, there was a lot of meat being served and a lot of beer which Carmilla didn’t seem too fond of. Neither did she seem too fond of the music. Damn this girl was hard to please but I wanted to make her happy, she was giving me a good night, I had to give her one too. As it grew darker, the stars began to peek through the sky to the visible eye and Carmilla’s face mirrored them, her smile shining as bright as the stars above my head. She began to take in each and every star.

‘You see that dim light there?’ she asked excitedly, ‘That’s Saturn, this is one of the only times that you can see Saturn with the naked eye because the other planets you can usually see have too much glare from the sun this time of the year making Saturn the brightest planet we can see right now.’

I smiled as I looked at the happiness that spread over her body and I held her free hand. She was beautiful and so full of life, it made a change from the girl I’d met earlier that day.

She took out a small pair of binoculars from her purse that were collapsable, she obviously was always prepared for star gazing, ‘Now, I can just see Jupiter and Mercury, they’re right next to Regulus in the Leo constellation. Want to have a look?’ she asked whilst holding the binoculars in an angle so that I’d be able to see it.

I saw what could only be described as an almost perfect equilateral triangle, and couldn’t figure out what was a planet and what was a star but I felt too dumb to ask the question. I knew the difference between a planet and a star. I couldn’t stand on top of the sun could I? But I could stand on the Earth. However I was so intrigued that I couldn’t restrain myself, ‘This will sound like a dumb question but I see the triangle that’s kind of lopsided but which is which?’

‘Regulus the star is the bottom left one, Mercury is on top and Jupiter is to the right,’ she informed as I put the binoculars down.

‘It’s incredible,’ I said, ‘Are there anymore you can see?’

She put the binoculars back up to her eyes and after a little bit of searching, ‘I can see Mars, it’s right underneath Castor and Pollux, it’s like a straight line, have a look.’

I once again stood at the angled binoculars and saw what she meant, the stars were beautiful, ‘This is amazing Carm.’

‘And then if you look on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday in the morning, you may get a chance to see the Perseid meteor shower which will look incredible, you might get a chance to see it with the naked eye as it’s the new moon on Friday meaning that there will be little moonlight to obscure your view,’ she beamed.

‘I’ll have to remember to look,’ I returned her smile, ‘Do you enjoy looking at the stars or do you have an interest in astronomy itself?’

‘It’s comforting… To think how small we are in comparison. All the lives we’ve led… The people we’ve been… Nothing to that light. More than anything, I like the idea of stars. The metaphor. During the day the sky is a ceiling, a solid blue. The night is permeable. The night and the stars let us see what has been there all along, the vastness of the Universe stretching wide beyond us. How insignificant we are, and at the same time how unfathomably lucky: The Universe is indifferent, arbitrary. It owes us nothing. But the arbitrary can be a miracle, and dark of the void is full of stars.’

‘That’s incredibly deep and almost sad,’ I whispered.

‘I’m a philosophy major, I’m a very deep person and quite melancholic. To be honest with you Laura, I’m not an emotional person, I don’t have emotions that are happy, I lost them years ago. However tonight I’ve felt like I was 18 again and I’ve not felt that way for a very long time,’ she smiled at me and I looked directly into her eyes and I felt like I was looking into her soul.

‘I wouldn’t have pegged you for the type of person to be a philosophy major until now.’

‘There’s so much we don’t know about this world, what’s wrong with attempting to find out why we attempt to answer them?’ She smiled looking up at the night sky, her body in a perfect stance that I couldn’t help but indulge in. I was falling fast, I’d met this woman 6 hours ago and I felt like she had a spell cast over me. Was love at first sight a real thing?

‘Can I ask you something?’ I whispered almost inaudibly.

‘What is it cupcake?’

‘Do you believe in love?’ I asked.

‘Of course, although my heart is far too dark to ever love another -’ She cut herself off abruptly and I was confused.

‘Another what?’ I asked.

‘Nothing it doesn’t matter, just me being a philosophy major,’ she smiled a sad smile that made me want to cry for her. Something was upsetting her and I didn’t like the fact that I might have been able to stop it.

‘Do you want to come and toast some marshmallows?’ I asked attempting to change the subject.

‘Sure cutie,’ she smiled, this time a genuine and happy smile.

I took her hand in mine and we walked to the bonfire that had been lit. It was a strange after party for an awards ceremony, it felt more like a Uni celebration but I enjoyed it and so did Carmilla by the looks of it and she seemed to like marshmallows.

‘These are really good marshmallows,’ she said with two in her mouth. I laughed at her cuteness, ‘We should see how many we can put into our mouths. You go first.’

So I put as many marshmallows in my mouth as I could until I couldn’t fit anymore in, only 11, I felt disappointed.

And then she sat, piling marshmallows into her mouth until one of the half melted ones began to dribble out of the crook of her lips. She went to wipe it off with her hand only to get gooey marshmallow all over her fingers. She let out a worried sound and I immediately grabbed a tissue, handed one to her for her hands and the other I began to dab at her mouth to get rid of the remaining marshmallow mess. She began to swallow the marshmallows hard and once finished she smiled at me, ‘14,’ and we both let out a little laugh towards the fire.

She looked at me and we exchanged a glance. THAT glance. You know the one where you’re going to kiss someone? We leant in, in sync as though we both wanted it. Slowly, blissfully slowly and as my lips almost grazed hers, there came a loud bang from inside the building, making us jump away from each other as we saw the town hall engulf itself in flames.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And for anyone wondering, the astronomy facts are true so if you are living in the UK and want to see a Meteroid shower then you want to be watching the sky on Wednesday/Thursday/Friday morning. Enjoy yourselves, until next week.


	4. The Blaze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fire? But there's a fire? Oh my God!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter than the other 3, hence why it's up earlier. Plus I'm going to be busy tomorrow and didn't want you guys to not have your LAAJ fix this week! Also my comment in regards to this series - Muahaha! I'm enjoying torturing you :P Now where were we? Of course. The fire :D

My eyes adjusted to the bright light that was engulfing the town hall; moving closer so that the pillars I used see were now obscured from my vision as though the flames were Pac-man and the different elements of the building were the pac-dots. The way the flames danced made me scared but I also felt a minor sense of love and admiration to a force that wouldn’t be tamed. And then the heat hit me. I felt dizzy and for a second I lost myself as though the flames were hypnotising me and beckoning for me to join them. Then I could hear sounds; screaming, roaring, glass shattering but it was all a daze as though someone had locked me in a bubble and the distortion made me feel even more light headed. In addition, the tingling, putrid smell of smoke flooded my nostrils, burning my lungs that it became impossible to breathe and I began to choke on the inhaled fumes that had entered my brain. I noticed the sweat trickling into my eyes and I managed to turn around to crawl away until I noticed the fire behind me. I was surrounded. Was I trapped? How was I going to escape? The power of the blaze was too much and I began to succumb to my flaming lungs that were forcing me to take my last breath.

That’s when I looked up and saw the dark eyes and the black hair. But I was sure that the smoke was making me delusional as a giant black cat had grabbed the hem of my dress and was yanking me away from the loud sounds and bright visuals surrounding me. My breathing steadily returned to normal as oxygen began to filter into my scorched lungs and that’s when my eyes began to register that it wasn’t a cat dragging me away but instead Carmilla. Worry painted over her face and her lips were moving. Those lips, they were beautiful, did I get a chance to kiss them?

A pain began to surge in my skull and I managed to lift a hand to the source of the throb. The back of my head felt tender to my touch and that’s when my ears began to work properly as I heard myself let out a long, ‘Oww.’

‘Hey, hey, Laura,’ the beautiful melody sang.

‘Mhmm,’ I breathed.

‘Are you ok?’ she asked, putting a soft hand on my cheek.

‘Panther,’ I whined.

‘Laura!’ she barked and my eyes shot open at the intrusive voice.

‘I’m ok. Carm. What happened?’ I said trying to sound as convincing as possible.

‘You fell backwards when the fire erupted and you hit your head. God, I thought you were dead,’ she flustered.

‘I’m ok. Are you?’ I asked now worried for the raven haired girl whose eyes sparkled in the flames.

‘I’m fine,’ she said. Her attention now on our surroundings but I couldn’t help myself from gazing up at the beautiful woman above me whose focus darted around as though she was a scared animal, watching on and hoping to not be seen.

‘Help! Someone help!’ a female voice yelled, bringing me out of my stare as I immediately recognised it to be Danny.

I slowly moved my head to my left to where the sound was coming from and saw the wild, fiery mass of the building with two small shadows appearing from it, one I recognised as Danny. Her height was unmistakable as she helped an individual step through the flames. Someone else rushed forwards to help and I believed it to be the fraternity reporter and then unless I was hallucinating again, I saw Danny rush back into the blaze of flames. I began to panic. What was she doing? Was she trying to get herself killed? Then as soon as she’d disappeared, she reappeared, this time carrying a lifeless body in her arms.

‘Wow, Xena’s really outdone herself this time,’ Carmilla remarked and I sensed a hint of sarcasm in her voice. What had gone on between those two? And how ungrateful was Carmilla? Danny had gone to save others whereas Carmilla was just selfish enough to save me? I looked around myself as I sat up and saw others lying on the ground, all alive by the looks of things but why hadn’t she asked the people next to us if they were ok when she evidently was? What was wrong with her?

‘At least she’s helping,’ I snapped. I regretted the tone in my voice as soon as I’d said it and it had obviously caught Carmilla off guard as she recoiled her hand that had been caressing my cheek. I instantly craved her touch as though I was addicted and she’d taken away my drug but I wasn’t going to apologise. It was true, she should have been helping everyone else and not just me, I would have appreciated it more.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Carmilla asked with a bitter tone.

‘I want to check on Danny,’ I told her as I attempted to get up and she instantly tried to help me, ‘I’m fine, just let me go over to her. Alone!’

Carmilla reluctantly let me go but her eyes were fixated on me and as I turned away from her and towards the blaze, I could feel her stare burning a hole in the back of my head that was hotter than the flames in front of me.

Upon entering the vicinity where Danny was, she’d laid out the lifeless form she’d carried out on the floor and was examining them over. They were coughing badly but alive none the less. Kirsch was holding the other girl Danny had helped out close to his chest as she was crying. I finally got a look at the body on the scorched grass to see that it was LaFontaine, the science journalist who I’d taken great admiration to on her… their work.

‘What can I do to help?’ I asked meekly.

‘Laura!’ Danny looked up at me and I’m sure that was a hint of relief in her eyes, ‘Thank God you’re ok.’

‘What can I do to help?’ I repeated, this time sounding more assured as I’m sure the burning in my head from being watched had intensified as I’d started talking to the redhead.

Danny looked over her other shoulder to look at the entrance to the town hall gardens. There were firemen and paramedics filing through to do their jobs, ‘Get me a paramedic.’

I ran over to the wrought iron gate and thankfully for me, an elderly gentleman came over to me wearing the comforting colours of the Rettungsdienst.

‘Are you ok Fraulein?’ he asked with a concerned tone.

‘Someone needs help,’ I responded grabbing him by the arm and taking him over to where LaFontaine lay.

I felt like I’d achieved something, as though I’d helped to save someone and that gave me a sense of overwhelming pride and joy. I looked back over to my date who was sat cross-legged on the grass still staring at me. Whilst I couldn’t tell properly as she was 50 metres from where I stood, I’m sure she looked up at me with sad eyes. She was a wounded animal and I’d hurt her. But I couldn’t be thinking of that right now could I? I needed to help save other people.

I ran around a little, making sure that everyone was being seen to and that there was no one who was without help. Eventually I’d come full circle and the night began to get colder as the Feuerwehr had began to douse out the flames and I was now soaked in water spray from the hoses. Then again, it was better than being turned to ash.

My one issue was that as I’d gone in a full circle, I was now back to where Carmilla sat. She’d been shrugging off everyone all night. Not that I’d been watching of course, she just caused a racket every time someone had tried to take her away from her spot. She was acting weird, weirder than fish fingers and custard. Poor Matt Smith.

I walked slowly over to the animal, without much of a clue as to what I was going to say. I really wanted to ask her why she hadn’t tried to help anyone else but I could see she was scared and upset so I wasn’t sure I wanted to push it. I was sure she was going to say something so I stood in silence, staring down at her as she looked up at me with great brown eyes, reminding me of Puss In Boots. But when she didn’t speak, I took it upon myself to start the conversation.

‘Hey,’ I whispered.

‘Hey,’ she replied instantly. The speed of her response set me back momentarily as I had to regain my balance. I began to feel queasy and attempted to tell my nerves to time travel to another part of my life, to a time when I didn’t need to worry about being sick over someone who was quite literally below me.

‘So I’ve been thinking about what I said earlier,’ I began.

‘This isn’t something we have to talk about,’ Carmilla interrupted.

‘I think maybe it is,’ I inhaled, beginning to feel more and more light headed. Damn nerves, ‘Do I think that what you did was brave? Saving me? Making sure I was ok? Of course I do. But there were others around us and you didn’t help them, you just helped me. And you know I appreciate that you care for me but,’ I paused, needing something to grip onto that was stable and not moving as now everything had started to spin. I closed my eyes and continued breathlessly, ‘But it’s not enough, I wish I could say that it doesn’t matter but it does and I...’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dun!!!!!! You can comment your hate for me in the comments. Please bookmark and give me kudos if you like it. I wonder what happened to Laura!


	5. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the frilly hell happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the next chapter guys :) I'll continue to update this every week although things might get a bit hectic soon as I'm moving house. I shall hopefully give some warning though if I'm unable to update for a reason, but if not I promise I'll do two chapters the next week to make up - I know how important it is to get a Carmilla fix!

Beep. ‘Mmmm.’

Beep. ‘Shhh.’

Beep. ‘Aghhh,’ I reached over to shut my alarm clock off. I was too tired. My head was throbbing and I assumed I needed sleep. My arm moved sluggishly slow towards where my alarm clock would be until something restrained me, as though I had a lead attached to the back of my hand. I felt a sharp pain as I tried to pull away from the lead and I stopped.

Slowly opening my eyes I saw white, just white and nothing else, as though I were in a whitewashed room. Memories of last night flooded to me, the fire, the speech… Carmilla. I was talking to her and then I was here. I began to move my legs and realised I was lying down, looking up at the ceiling.

Beep. Beep. Beep. To my left I could see what I thought had been my alarm clock. It was instead a heart rate monitor. Was I in New New York? Were there going to be cat nuns that would visit me in a second? I looked to my hand and the restraint I had was in fact a needle. Oh God a needle. I don’t like needles. Get it out of my skin right now! I began to squirm.

There was a pressure on my leg, ‘Hey, hey, hey, Laura.’

My eyes flickered to the sound, the voice, THAT voice.

‘It’s ok, you’re ok,’ the raven locked woman whispered softly.

‘Where am I?’ I groaned, realising my voice was a lot groggier than I had anticipated.

‘You’re in hospital,’ Carmilla revealed squeezing my leg reassuringly.

‘What happened?’ I asked whilst trying to sit up.

‘Hey, don’t sit up. Stay lying down. They did a bunch of shit to you. You passed out randomly after the fire. They put you on oxygen and performed a bronchoscopy on you.’

‘A bronco what?’ I hoped it was nothing like being sat on a bull that attempted to buck me off.

‘A bronchoscopy,’ she reaffirmed.

I had no idea what it was so I turned to her and smiled, ‘A bronchoscophophy was it, oh yes, I know what one of those is. It’s a… You know? One of those things where they do a thing to your… Thing.’

She stifled a laugh and smiled to the ground. That cute smile. What I’d give for her to let me see it. ‘A bronchoscopy is where they put a tube down your throat to examine your airway and lungs. They diagnosed you with smoke inhalation.’

I began to cough. A loud cough. The type of cough you have once you’ve been sick and you’re going to cough up a lot of phlegm. Carmilla quickly handed me a tissue and I began to produce a black substance. It was disgusting, why was it black?

As though she knew what I was thinking she said, ‘You had soot in your airways, Laura, the black is normal, coughing it up shows you’re improving.’ She smiled at me, this time without looking away which made me smile in return. It was that type of smile. You know? The one which made my insides jumble and turn inside out. I almost wish they would so I wouldn’t have sooty mucus filled lungs anymore.

‘It’s disgusting,’ I voiced.

She chuckled, ‘Well that’s what you get when you play the hero.’

‘Did anyone die?’ I asked with a mousy, wheezing breath.

‘Yes,’ she replied nonchalantly. I looked at her, giving her a cold look as she treated someone’s life as though it was nothing. ‘It was only one person. The host. He wouldn’t have survived no matter if Xena had saved him.’

‘Xena?’ Then it clicked, she meant Danny, ‘How is Danny?’

‘I haven’t checked,’ she replied looking at her nails with a bored expression on her face.

‘What about the girl. No, errm, the person? I don’t know what isn’t rude to call them,’ I rambled and saw Carmilla raising her eyebrow at me through the corner of my eye, ‘LaFontaine.’

Carmilla exhaled quickly and rolled her eyes, ‘She’s fine.’

‘THEY’RE fine,’ I corrected.

‘THEY’RE fine then,’ she angered.

‘Not that you care,’ I whispered.

Her eyes flickered up to mine like a serpent noticing its prey. Her eyes softened as she replied, ‘Not that I care.’

I felt instantly bad. Of course she cared, she knew how LaFontaine was. That must have meant she cared. Why couldn’t I keep my big mouth shut for once in my life? Damn being a journalist.

I continued to stare at her. Those eyes; they made me spiral into her soul. There was a metal door that was thick, bulletproof and you couldn’t get through without knowing the code, but once unlocked I entered to something that wasn’t black but red. A room of love, a room of anger and a room of blood. This was Carmilla, she put up a shield and made you believe she was cold but really she had a huge capacity to love but was too afraid to show it. I wonder what had made her so damaged that she had to hide her true emotions from the world.

‘Right, well, I need to go to work. I have to explain what the fuck happened with the glass in the door last night to a very unhappy boss,’ she got up and was about to leave. Come on Laura, say something!

‘What are you going to say to your boss?’ I blurted. That definitely wasn’t what I wanted to say.

She stopped before she reached the door and looked in on me. Well I suppose it worked, she stayed a bit, ‘Whatever comes to my head.’

‘But you have to tell the truth, Carm. You can’t lie.’

‘So I’m to go into my boss’ office and tell her that I slammed the door so hard and broke the glass because I was upset by a girl who walked away from me?’ she raised her eyebrow and I began to realise how ridiculous it sounded, ‘Cupcake. Most people don’t care if you’re telling them the truth or if you’re telling them a lie, as long as they’re entertained by it.’

She walked out the door. It was only now that I noticed that she was still wearing what she’d worn last night, that must have meant that she’d stayed with me and not left my side. Oh she really was a sweetheart and I quietly wished her luck for the day ahead.

*

I flicked through channels. Luckily I had my own room because of my minor fame, it meant it was quiet and I could make my own decisions as to what I should watch, not that there was anything decent on. I settled for the news, because hell, I may as well watch some journalists. Although the explosion was all they bothered to cover, they gave more insight into the host who had died and it made me feel sick, knowing that I’d seen him but I couldn’t have saved him. Maybe if Carmilla hadn’t focussed on me then she could have saved him and he wouldn’t be dead now. No, I couldn’t think like that. I couldn’t pile all the blame on her. Or could I? No, I won’t. But? No. Or?

I was brought out of my inner fight by a loud knock on the door.

‘Come in,’ I said, expecting one of the nurses to come in and bring me some food or offer me a drink. Or even bring me some more of those ghastly tasting pills.

The door opened with a small creek and I didn’t look up. I thought if I could pretend to look interested, the nurse or doctor wouldn’t disturb me.

‘Errm, hi,’ I heard a small voice. I looked over to see Danny. Oh, now I was happy and a massive smile gleamed over my face. It hurt to smile but I didn’t care.

‘Danny,’ I beamed.

‘Hey Laura,’ she looked down and shuffled her feet, ‘How are you?’

‘I’m good. I’ve just had a bit of smoke inhalation but it will pass, nothing at all permanent,’ I flustered, picking at my bed sheets with nerves and decided I needed to change the topic. ‘How is everyone?’

‘Everyone’s fine, all recovering, other than...’ She trailed off and her gaze looked to the TV that was still turned on, ‘Well, you’ve seen the news so you know what happened.’

I nodded slowly, ‘Yeah, it’s tragic. Do they have any idea what happened yet?’

‘The Police are still investigating but I have my suspicions. Even though I’m only a sports journalist, my mind never shuts off to things like this.’

‘What do you think happened?’ I asked excitedly. I always liked to think of other options too as the Bundespolizei were sometimes so busy that they got the wrong theories and prosecuted the wrong people. Plus I could do with some gossip, some closure, maybe someone to blame rather than Carmilla.

‘Do you mind if I sit?’ she gestured towards the chair Carmilla had been sitting on previously.

‘Of course, feel free,’ I giggled slightly.

She sat down, she was so tall that even though she was sitting next to me, I had to look upwards at an awkward angle to see her face. It was spread with worry or nerves, or something I couldn’t really tell but she definitely was scared to tell me her suspicions.

‘How long have you known Carmilla?’ she mustered.

‘Less than 24 hours,’ I replied unsure of where this was going.

‘Of course, Fang-Face was always quick at making a move.’

‘Fang-Face? Why do you call her that?’ I quizzed.

‘I knew her. We went to the same college together...’ she began.

‘Wait, you both went to Silas?’ I interrupted.

‘Yes,’ Danny took a deep breath, ‘Her mother was the Dean.’

I’m sure I blanched, that’s why she looked uncomfortable when we were talking about the Dean last night, ‘Wow,’ I think I finally let slip.

‘There’s something about Carmilla,’ she was slow, as though measuring my face with every word she said, ‘I can’t say exactly what it is but… She’s not all that she seems, Laura,’ she looked up at me with sincere eyes, ‘I believe Carmilla started the fire.’

I burst into laughter at the accusation even though it pained my inflamed lungs to do so. ‘Carmilla,’ I chuckled, ‘But she was with me all night.’ I looked over to Danny who still had the sincere look on her face and my chortling subsided, ‘You’re being serious?’

She nodded.

‘Honestly Danny, Carmilla was with me all night, we had the meal, we went to see the stars, we roasted some marshmallows and then KABOOM!’ I said making an explosion action with my hands.

‘She didn’t have to leave you,’ Danny muttered.

‘What?’

‘Carmilla. She didn’t have to leave you to start the fire.’

‘And how would that work?

‘In college we used to find random fires in trash cans and the only person who it could be was Carmilla. She used to carry a lighter with her in college and we never saw her smoking. She would just have the lighted flame and put her hand through it as though it calmed her down. She’s a frigging pyromaniac Laura!’

‘Carm… No,’ I said and I attempted to sound assured but it didn’t really work as I could definitely sense uncertainty in my voice and I had a feeling Danny could too.

‘Laura! Carmilla set the town hall on fire!’


	6. The Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny had to be lying. Carm wasn't a murderer. Was she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone's patience. To explain what exactly happened last week, my internet went down on the Wednesday and I was halfway through writing the next chapter, I use Google Drive to write so I couldn't continue without internet access. I got it back on the Sunday morning but there just wasn't enough time for me to write the chapter especially with me being away for most of the last week. Here is the next chapter though. I must admit I'm not able to guarantee that I will have one up next week though as I'm moving house, doing my practical driving test and also doing my personal training course so the next few weeks might be a bit uncertain for me. I'll update as much as possible but I'll definitely be back to weekly updates starting on the 28th of this month as that will be my first Monday in the new house :) Thanks for your support guys and I hope you can handle the irregularities for a bit.

Danny had long gone, but despite her physical presence no longer being with me, mentally she was still here. Or at least her words were. The words I’d been choking on for the past few hours; not only figuratively but literally, haunted my mind. She’d accused my… What do I call her? My date? My friend? The girl who had saved my life? Well, whatever I should call her, Danny had accused her of arson and murder. It was ridiculous. As soon as she’d said it and I’d realised she wasn’t joking, I’d told her to leave my room and I never wanted to see her again for her horrible and cold hearted beliefs. Despite being sure Danny was incorrect, the sincerity in her voice had struck something within me and I’d started to doubt what I felt certain of and began to live in the twisted ideas of Danny. Carmilla was cold. Carmilla also didn’t seem to be concerned with saving anyone else but me. But most of all, the fact that Carmilla had apparently been starting fires at Silas had made me really think back to my time undercover as a student there.

Pretend there’s some type of harp sound that let’s me take you into a flashback of mine - Ok, I’m a journalist, not a fictional writer so you’ll just have to handle my bad description of sounds I hear on movies.

It’s 2014, sometime around late September or early October and I’m in Silas. To imagine what Silas looks like, you need to imagine a castle that looks like something from a Dracula movie where you’re sure there could be a vampire who could just appear and bite you. There were towers; tall ones that people may fall from every now and then that were always deemed to be suicides or accidental deaths that were alcohol or drug related. Basically imagine Hogwarts but instead of being full of magic, it’s full of creepy ass shit, although I suppose Hogwarts was also that. It was night - Like most of the things I experienced at Silas, they never happened in the light of day but always when the darkness consumed the campus, at times it felt like the darkness was eating up the Uni, but then other times it felt like it wasn’t the Uni but some mysterious thing down below that could have been the pits of hell. Whatever it was that gave me the weird feeling, there was none weirder than the random fires that would start on campus. It took me a while to remember these bizarre events as I’d just put them down to being part of the turf war between The Alchemy Club, The Zeta-Omega-Mus and The Summer Society. I mean surely it was common for kids to set bins on fire as a way to scare the others right? But what if I was wrong? Carmilla must have been on the campus if the Dean was her Mum so what if she had started those fires? Students had reported their stolen CD’s put in the bins and set alight and the students were from all the 3 groups on campus so what if it had been someone independent? What if it had been Carmilla?

God, why is this so hard to deal with? I’m a journalist. Why can’t I just live a normal life? Not one where I’m completely enthralled and head over heels with someone who is a killer? Or might be a killer?

My thought process was interrupted by a loud knocking on my door, cautiously yet excitedly I told them that they could enter, half hoping and half fearing that Carmilla would be standing there. My doctor walked through the door and I had no idea if I was saddened or pleased that it wasn’t Carm. He walked in with a clipboard in his hands, a pen behind his left ear and a light smile on his face.

‘Miss Hollis,’ he beamed.

‘Doctor Armitage,’ I replied back, attempting to smile but realising that it hurt.

‘All of the recent blood tests have come back as good,’ he paused whilst looking down at his clipboard again, ‘I believe you could be released today. Although preferably tonight if possible.’

‘That’s great,’ I finally had the chance to go home and call my Dad. Oh crap, did anyone notify my Dad that I’d nearly died?

‘However I can only let you go if you have someone who can stay with you tonight. I need someone to be able to watch over you in case something happens to you. If you can’t get that then you’ll have to stay the night. Is there anyone that I can call?’

‘I don’t know,’ I began to ponder. My Dad lived too far away and would probably kill a bear if he found out I was in hospital, I didn’t really have any friends at work, I didn’t have people waiting on me hand and foot so I guessed I’d have to handle staying for the night. ‘I don’t think so. Although do you know if my Dad has been notified as to what had happened?’

‘I don’t believe so, I can make the call for you if you’d like?’ Doctor Armitage offered.

‘Is there any chance I can speak to him? I’d really appreciate it,’ I pleaded.

‘Sure, you’ll have to use the phone at the reception outside though but feel free to do so whenever you’re ready,’ he smiled before swiftly exiting.

At least I wasn’t focussed on whether Carmilla was a murderer now, but rather on how I was going to prevent my Dad was murdering someone because I was in hospital. I got out of my bed and felt incredibly light headed, it then hit me that I’d been in bed for over 20 hours, my body must have momentarily forgotten how to walk. I took tiny little steps to get to the desk. Luckily I’d had the doctor take the ghastly needle out of my skin so I wasn’t having to haul around a massive cyberman machine with me to get to the phone.

For what felt like forever, I was finally at the desk and made a quiet cough to get the attention of the receptionist. She looked up at me with a bored expression that urged me to tell her what I wanted so she could get back to doing whatever fun work she must have been doing.

‘Hi, Doctor Armitage said I could use the phone to call my Dad,’ I explained.

Her facial expression didn’t change one bit, until I noticed her pushing a phone in my direction and without saying anything back to her, I picked it up and began to call my Dad’s landline.

‘Mr Hollis speaking,’ I heard the friendly tone down the end of the phone. Why was it that Dad could just make everything better by being himself?

‘Hey Dad,’ I whispered. I began to feel all the weight of the events crash down on me and I knew I was going to start crying because sometimes you just have to let it go… And if anyone is now singing ‘Frozen’, I might just kiss you.

‘Hey Laura, how was last night?’ He asked, I rolled my eyes at how oblivious he was. Typical man.

‘Have you not been watching the news?’

‘No hun, I’ve just got in from a 12 hour shift, I’m knackered. Did something happen?’

‘There was a fire and someone died but I’m ok because Carmilla saved me but I have smoke inhalation and I’m coughing up soot and I’m stuck in a hospital and they put a needle in me and...’ I rambled.

‘LAURA!’ My Dad interrupted. Oh shit. ‘Who did it? What are the Police doing? What medication are you on?’ I lost concentration for a moment. So this is where I get my excessive rambling from is it? ‘Laura!’

‘Dad, I promise I’m fine, I’m going to have to stay in hospital another night though as I don’t have anyone at home to look after me but hopefully I’ll be out tomorrow.’

‘I’ll be there tomorrow morning to help you get discharged and I’ll be right by your side until you want me to go,’ he announced.

‘Oh Dad, you don’t have to do that,’ I secretly wanted him to but I knew he had a life. He was a detective and I couldn’t just ask him to pack up his job for days.

‘Well I am, I’ll even cook every night,’ he chuckled. There was nothing like Dad’s cooking.

‘Ok, if you insist but I don’t want you to stay too long as you have a job and everything.’

‘My girl is more important,’ he replied quickly, as though a reflex to my statement.

‘Ok Dad,’ I began to smile until I noticed the receptionist still staring up at me with the same bored expression, ‘Hey Dad, I’m going to have to go but I’ll text you what ward I’m in when you come by tomorrow, at least I’d imagine I’d have my phone back by then.’

‘Okay pumpkin, I love you,’ he cooed.

‘Yeah, you too Dad,’ I mumbled like an embarrassed teenager and I put the phone down, giving a polite nod to the receptionist, who still looked the same as before. She reminded me of a female version of Bubble Bass from Spongebob Squarepants. The resemblance was uncanny.

I slowly padded back to my room and waited for the morning to arrive and a chance to see my Dad again.

*

I began to awake to a gentle thumb caressing the back of my hand. My Dad used to do it all the time when I was a kid to help me get off to sleep but it was rougher. The skin was softer than normal but the method wasn’t as gentle and it acted as a mini squeeze every time the thumb grazed my hand.

‘Mmm, Dad, do I need to wake up?’ I groaned.

In response I heard a little chuckle but it wasn’t my Dad’s. It wasn’t even male. It was… Oh god… It was her. The ‘I don’t know if you’re a murderer but you might be one so I want to be avoiding you but I really like you so I don’t want to avoid you’ HER. I opened my eyes and noticed that it was light outside, I couldn’t have slept for that long could I?

‘Hey,’ Carmilla smiled genuinely.

‘Hi. Sorry, I thought you were my Dad,’ I replied beginning to sit up in my bed.

Carmilla raised an eyebrow and I realised I’d basically just called her an old man, ‘Errm… I mean… My Dad used to do that to me all the time as a kid. He’s driving here to see me.’

‘That will be good then,’ Carmilla stated.

‘Yeah, when I told him about this, I couldn’t talk him out of it. I’ve got to love having a Dad who cares like that,’ I grinned cheesily. I felt Carmilla’s hand tense and I realised how insensitive that was, it wasn’t her fault that her parents were dead, ‘I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.’

Carmilla took a sharp intake of breath and closed her eyes briefly, before opening them again and saying, ‘It’s ok.’

‘I just needed him here as I can’t be released from hospital unless I have someone who is willing to watch over me at night to make sure I don’t have any more symptoms,’ I defended myself.

‘Laura, it’s ok,’ she smiled. It was a hurt smile but it was still a smile and I guess that is decent enough right? ‘When will he be here?’

‘The morning. What time is it now?’

‘It’s only 6pm,’ she replied and she seemed to be thinking deeply about something that I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.

‘Are you ok?’

‘Yeah I’m fine,’ she said bluntly.

‘Because you seem… Broody.’

‘I’m just thinking about things,’ she told me, averting her gaze from mine as much as she could.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’

‘If I gave you a proposal, would you consider it?’ she asked.

‘It depends on what it is.’

‘Would you allow me to take you home tonight? I’ll stay up and look after you, I’ll cook, I’ll clean, I’ll do anything,’ she told me before adding a quiet word on the end that I could only recognise as, ‘Laura.’

‘I couldn’t ask you to do that.’

‘I know it might be weird because we’ve only known each other for just over 24 hours but there’s something about you. Something I admire and I really want to see what we can do with us,’ she explained.

‘It’s not that I don’t appreciate it, Carm. It’s just that you have a life. Besides, what about work?’

‘I got fired.’

‘What?’

‘The glass. It got me fired. It’s no big deal, I’ll find another job,’ she shrugged.

‘So you got fired because of me?’

‘I got fired because I was angry at you. So you just admitted to breaking the glass,’ she said, sticking her tongue out briefly.

This woman surely couldn’t be a murderer could she. No, Danny was just making up lies and I realised that now.

‘I’d love it if you could take me home,’ I found myself whispering.

*

Carm found herself reading and writing a lot of sheets of paperwork. I’d left her to it as she needed to concentrate so I had decided to go and see some of the other injured people at the event. I was mainly concerned about LaFontaine because I’d seen Danny help them live. Wow, that was the first time I hadn’t had to think about not using he/she pronouns. I was very proud of myself.

Due to my awesome detective skills, I’d managed to find where their ward was and bed number. I won’t let you into the method I used but it didn’t at all involve me hassling some of the nurses and doctors before they told me where LaFontaine was situated.

Luckily I didn’t have to wander too far as they were on the same side of the hospital as me. I say luckily because I was thankful I wouldn’t have to run into an empty child. This part of the hospital felt darker, but I was certain it was just because there was a defunct light above my head that put a small section of the corridor into only natural light, which wasn’t very abundant due to the lack of windows.

Upon entering the ward, I approached carefully to the bed I’d been told LaFontaine lay in, I was a little bit nervous of intruding, and in a way, I was scared that Danny might be there. I was relieved to only see one other person with them in the room; they were female, they had red hair but they weren’t Danny.

She saw me and gently approached me, ‘Susan… LaFontaine, isn’t ready to be taking visitors right now, they’re still not very well.’

I recognised the woman as the other individual Danny had saved from the inferno who had started crying into Kirsch’s shoulder when she was brought out. ‘I hope they’re going to be ok. I’m Laura, I was with you when Danny brought the two of you out. I’m just being discharged and wanted to see how you both were.’

She pulled a tight smile, ‘I appreciate that. We’ll be doing fine. I’ve already been discharged and I shall be looking after LaF until they’re ready.’

I nodded. The girl was either still in shock or was not happy with my intrusion of being here. Then I realised I could use my journalism skills to my advantage. I’m sure I could squish Danny’s suspicions with a simple question to… What even is her name?

‘What’s your name by the way?’

‘I’m Perry, it’s nice to meet you,’ she put her hand out for me to shake in a strange way, it wasn’t as a handshake, but more like someone who put their hand out for me to kiss it. I clasped my hands around hers gently and she pulled away quite quickly and wiped it on the side of her high waisted jeans.

‘Nice to meet you too,’ I wondered how I would ask what I needed to ask, ‘What do you think happened?’

‘I don’t know, I wasn’t looking at it. LaF is the only person I know who was close enough to the blast. I was putting our plates in a nice pile and LaF was talking to the host...’ Perry seemed to trail off.

‘They’ll be ok,’ I reassured, looking at the redhead in the bed who had singed hair and rather inappropriately looked like a mad scientist.

‘Thank you Laura,’ she smiled and reached down to the table beside her, ‘Would you like a cupcake?’

I politely obliged, I hadn’t eaten something decent for nearly 24 hours, and the sugar rush made me feel giddy, but the type of giddy I wouldn’t mind experiencing again. Hopefully Carmilla would give me lots of sugary treats and I rather looked forwards to my recovery process.


	7. Oh Crap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla is so sweet, kind and caring. What can possibly go wrong when I'm in her care?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know I've been ages. I had my practical driving test, 2 PT theory exams and I moved house, all over the space of 5 days. I'm currently sitting on the floor in my new living room with boxes and furniture that needs to be moved without any internet and I'm relying on my data to post this. I was going to wait but I need to do this, after all it's the final tonight! So I hope you guys enjoy and leave some awesome comments, kudos and subscribe or bookmark the story and thing should be right as rain when I get the internet fitted next week and back to regular updates like you all want :)

‘Carmilla, I’m fine,’ I chuckled as the raven locked girl was by my side and opening the taxi door.

‘Well, you’re in my care now Miss Hollis so I am bound by paper to take care of you,’ she smiled that glorious smile. As if getting out of the car wasn’t hard enough, but I now had her staring at me which made me breathless.

‘Are you going to wait on me hand and foot?’ I giggled.

‘I will do whatever you want,’ she winked and I’m sure I went bright red. Was that flirting? She paid the taxi, took my hand and began to lead me to the front door. I began to walk up the steps to my house, having to grab the rail every couple of steps to catch my breath and when I took my third breathing break, I was swooped up into Carmilla’s arms which momentarily scared me and made my heart beat fast. I guess it’s true, the saying - You’ll find someone who sweeps you off your feet - But I never guessed it to be so figuratively. She placed me down on the floor and began to fumble with my keys, taking in each keyring with a brief chuckle. Tardis, Dalek that had a torch where its gun was, glow in the dark Buffy logo and finally she cracked up at the '#1 Marshmallow' badge that my Dad had got when I'd graduated with my journalism degree.

‘I need to sort you somewhere to sleep,’ I thought outloud, interrupting her laughing fit.

‘It’s fine. I’m good with the couch,’ Carmilla said whilst attempting to calm down her breathing.

‘But I want you to be somewhere special because after all you’re giving up your spare time for me.’

‘It’s the least I can do for you. Inviting me to the convention was something I’m happy with. It was beautiful and I got to witness how many people you inspire. I found it, kind of sexy,’ she grinned. I flashed hot suddenly and a shiver ran down my spine. Oh Carmilla, what are you doing to me?

‘Ok,’ I squeaked, trying desperately hard to not let her see what she was capable of doing to me.

‘Come on creampuff, let’s get you inside.’

She put my keys in the lock and swung the door open, but before I could walk through the entrance, she once again had me lifted into her arms and carried me across the threshold. This was the closest I’d ever get to being married.

Instinctively she walked me up the stairs and magically found my room without having to look around, as though she knew the layout of my house and placed me gently down on to the bed.

‘I’m going to go and make some dinner, what would you like to eat?’

‘I’m not sure, I’m really just feeling tired, do you mind if I sleep?’ I asked quietly as I battled for my eyes to stay awake.

‘Of course, sleep well buttercup,’ she smiled as she placed a kiss on my forehead and I bent my neck up to the touch of her soft lips. She stroked my hair as she looked into my eyes, her dark eyes looking into my chocolate brown ones; our souls opening up to each other's gaze. And as quickly as it had started, she was out of the door and heading downstairs. I tried to savour her sight and pretend she was still there but my eyes began to feel heavier and heavier and I quickly fell asleep.

*

I woke up to what felt like deja vu. The same rubbing on my hand as I’d experienced previously and I knew Carmilla was at the foot of my bed. Or I was in The Matrix.

‘Carm,’ I grumbled.

‘Hey sweetie,’ she whispered almost inaudibly and I had to strain to hear what she’d said.

‘How long have I been asleep?’

‘Only a few hours, it’s just getting dark out. How are you feeling?’

‘Still tired,’ I moaned, ‘I don’t know why my body keeps waking me up.’

‘Your phone started vibrating but I shut it off quite quickly so I’d hoped it wouldn’t have woken you up. You must be a light sleeper,’ she grinned.

‘Who called?’

‘I don’t know,’ Carmilla replied whilst stretching for my phone that was by my head.

She leaned down towards me and for a brief moment, I could catch a whiff of her scent. There was a slight smell of smoke with an overpowering smell of cinnamon like she’d been burning it or maybe it was incense? And there was a strong metallic smell that I recognised but couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was.

‘Your Dad called you,’ she observed.

‘I need to call him! He needs to know I’m home as he’s coming here tomorrow,’ I panicked.

‘Well you can, or you can text him? You need to sleep,’ she said.

I nodded as I sent my Dad a quick text, explaining how I’d found someone to stay at home with me so I was at home rather than at the hospital and that he could come and visit me as soon as he wanted to, whether it be tomorrow morning like we’d planned or not. As I put my phone down, I looked up at her and her soft, beautiful face and before I could think, my lips were already saying the words that I felt.

‘You’re beautiful,’ I whispered.

She cocked her head to one side and allowed a small smile to creep onto her face, ‘Thank you. So are you.’

We stayed in silence, exchanging cheesy grins with one another until suddenly the roaring of my stomach demanding food decided to interrupt us.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said, slightly ashamed by the loud noise.

She gave a brief laugh, ‘It’s ok. I’ll go and make you some food.’

I nodded and she was out of the door until I realised that I hadn’t told her what I wanted or any other dietary things, she knew I was pescetarian didn’t she? So I sat and worried that she’d make me food I couldn’t eat and I wouldn’t be able to refuse to eat it.

Then she walked in with a strange contraption on two plates. What looked to be kidney beans and chopped tomatoes with bread and butter on the side was placed on my lap on top of the bed sheets.

‘What’s this?’ I asked inquisitively.

‘Chili kidney beans and tomatoes. You can eat it like a sandwich, a sarni or slightly like a dip. It was one of my go to meals at Uni,’ Carmilla stated giving a smile that was slightly sad as though she was remembering back to a simpler time in her life and I wanted to believe that I wasn’t making things difficult for her.

‘This looks awesome!’ I said, taking a bite and finding it really nice, ‘You can cook in future if you want.’

‘Cupcake,’ she shook her head with a massive gleam on her face.

‘Carm? What do you say for watching TV?’ I asked.

‘Sure,’ she replied almost instantly.

‘You can only really watch the TV if you’re in bed,’ I budged over slightly and patted the spot beside me.

She hesitantly looked at the spot and then to me and back but she soon realised that I hadn’t changed my mind and clambered on to bed next to me.

‘Thanks,’ she whispered almost breathlessly. Well done Laura Hollis, you made a Goddess breathless.

‘Is it not cold? Get under the covers,’ I offered but with a slightly direct tone in my voice as I didn’t want her to refuse.

She didn’t though and crawled herself under the covers and lay next to me but was careful not to touch me. I glanced over at her and saw her ruffled brow and I gathered she was nervous so waited for her to relax a bit more before placing my hand on her cold forearm.

‘Thank you,’ she whispered.

‘Don’t be afraid to get under the covers, it can be cold being up so high. Now what do you want to watch on TV?’

‘I errm…’ her voice was cut off by the sound of a phone ringing but it wasn’t my ringtone.

Carmilla leapt out of bed and opened up her phone, ‘Yes?’

I decided to eat the food she’d given me before I started missing the presence of her body beside me, even though it had only been there for an awkward and brief moment. I enjoyed the food more and more with every bite, the right amount of chili but the remaining ingredients helped to offset the spice, making it perfect.

‘What?’ Carmilla exclaimed angrily, ‘Why would I do that?’ I realised that she was still on the phone to the mysterious caller that had made her pick up her phone instantly. Did she have a boyfriend? Or maybe a girlfriend? ‘My god, Meg! I wouldn’t do that.’ What was happening? ‘You know what? Call me back when you’re not accusing me of being a bitch.’ In response, Carmilla slammed her phone down on the dressing table opposite me and ran her fingers through her hair, taking in a long shaky breath before regaining the calm self that I’m used to. It reminded me of the time I first met her, where she was futile with me and suddenly she calmed down and flirted, or at least, what I thought was flirting.

‘Are you ok?’ I asked quietly.

She turned around and looked at me, ‘It was my old boss. Someone’s graffitied the word ‘Murderer’ on her shop and she’s accusing me.’

‘Why would she accuse you?’

‘Because I’m the only person who knows that she had an abortion,’ she answered quickly. I looked at her confused, ‘She regrets it and considers herself to be a murderer. I’m the only person who knew it and she thinks I decided to write that on her shop because she fired me. God, I’m so annoyed.’

‘Well you didn’t do it so don’t worry about it! Surely there must be CCTV or something to prove it’s not you,’ I smiled at her, hoping to calm her down for a little bit. I didn’t like that she was angry.

‘Yeah but it doesn’t make it any easier. Do you have any idea what it feels like to be accused of something and to have shit spread about you because people just associate you with something?’ Carmilla ranted.

‘No,’ I swallowed hard, unsure as to how I was going to approach the situation, ‘But if you know you didn’t do it and I know you didn’t do it then there’s no need to convince anyone. People will believe what they want to believe and that’s the way it’s always been and always will be. Rumours are just rumours until proven true but it doesn’t mean that people aren’t going to believe them as though they’re everything. People think that Lady Gaga is a man, Iran is banning the internet and that Jon Bon Jovi is dead, they’re all false but that doesn’t mean that people don’t think that still.’

‘Yeah cupcake, I know, I just don’t want to be defined by something I haven’t done,’ Carmilla whispered as she looked down to the floor and starting picking at her fingernails. This was the first time I’d seen her looking so vulnerable and I hated that she was, but I loved that she was starting to open up to me a bit more.

‘Well I won’t define you, I promise,’ I smiled.

She looked up and offered me a sad smile in return before saying, ‘I’m going to go and get some hot chocolate. Do you want some?’

‘I’d love some,’ I beamed. If there was anything I liked the most, it was hot chocolate. And cookies… And chocolate… And - Well you get the picture. Sugar!

She left the room and I looked up at the TV to see that the news was on, once again covering the explosion. I reached for the remote to turn it off, I wanted a night without having to be reminded of it until something stopped me. A sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Oh crap.

‘The event was witnessed by hundreds of journalists who were prolific in a certain number of stories covered by our news outlet over the past year. Our latest report still announces that there was only one fatality and 57 people admitted to hospital. One journalist, Laura Hollis, most known for her story uncovering the corruption at Silas University earlier this year was involved in the blast and taken to hospital although reports have stated that she was released earlier today. In regards to other journalists at the convention, one of our sports columnists, Danny Lawrence, attended the event and we can speak to her now,’ the news woman said. The TV cut to a feed of Danny from what appeared to be in the studio, ‘Hello Danny, glad to see that you’re well.’

‘Thank you, I’m glad to be well also,’ she had a small cut on her nose and forehead that seemed to be scabbing over.

‘What can you tell us about the incident? And do you have any inside knowledge as to what might have happened?’

‘I have my theories but it’s up to the Police to investigate them. From what I can gather, some type of accelerator must have been set off as the fire occurred so quickly,’ Danny replied.

‘So do you think that this was a deliberate attempt to cause terror or to harm people?’

‘It’s possible yes, but as I said, this isn’t anything that the Police have found, it’s just my own opinion. It happened so quickly that I don’t think it could have been an accident. Another thing that I find slightly suspicious is that there was a known arsonist who had appeared at the event without an invitation and allowed in as the date of a journalist,’ Danny continued.

‘Please, can you expand?’

‘Well, Carmilla Karnstein, the daughter of the Dean at Silas University arrived last night, not being on the guest list, I checked for myself. However she was added on at the last minute when she insisted that she was the date of journalist, Laura Hollis, who as you mentioned, exposed the corruption of Carmilla’s mother. If I were the Police, I would be looking at her as she has a conviction of arson on the University property and she was also the date of the woman who sent her mother to prison and died before trial. Maybe this was some type of revenge? An attempt to kill Miss Hollis as she blames her for the death of her mother? I also spoke to Miss Hollis during the event and she was unaware of who Miss Karnstein was.’

‘That is definitely suspicious. What was Miss Hollis’ reaction when you informed her of Miss Karnstein’s history?’

‘She didn’t care. I think something has happened to Miss Hollis. She is aware that she is dating a potential murderer and doesn’t care. The fact that she’s dating the daughter of the woman who she exposed corruption over, says a lot for the standard that Miss Hollis has. She’s not the same journalist she used to be…’ I turned the TV off as I felt tears well up in my eyes. People were now going to think that I was dating a murderer. What would it do to my career? The words Carmilla had said ‘Do you have any idea what it feels like to be accused of something and to have shit spread about you because people just associate you with something?’ started to ring in my ears. Yes, I did now. I was being accused of my journalism not being at the same standard anymore because I was romantically interested in a murderer… I mean a potential murderer. What was I going to do?

My phone began to vibrate viciously on the side of my bedside table and I picked it up to reveal a text from my agent.

‘Laura! Ditch Karnstein now! If you don’t your career will be over.’ It read.

‘But Mark, I like her. You can’t just judge a book by its cover or base her personality on her bloodline. She’s really cool.’ I replied, knowing it wasn’t him who I needed convincing, but rather the public.

‘I don’t care. You need to figure out what you want. A girl you’ve known for a day or your career that you’ve worked for your whole life. Message me back when you’ve made up your mind.’

Well this wasn’t really a choice was it? Maybe I like Carmilla. Maybe a bit too much for the short amount of time I’ve known her but risking my one true love of journalism for a girl I barely knew. That was a no brainer wasn’t it? I just wish there was another way. Wait, I know.

‘She needs to stay tonight. The hospital signed me off in her care. If she leaves and I die because she’s not here to look after me then I won’t have a career left anyway.’

‘I’ll come and make sure you’re ok. Just get her out of the house and we need to make a public statement saying that you’re not involved with Karnstein and never were. She led you to believe that she didn’t know who you were and under false pretences, you invited her to the awards ceremony but if you’d have known, you wouldn’t have done such a thing.’

I was speechless. What was I to say? But I found that my fingers had already done the work as I looked down at my phone to read that I’d sent the dreaded word, ‘Ok.’

‘Here you go,’ Carmilla’s voice made me jump, ‘Oh gosh, sorry creampuff, I didn’t mean to startle you.’

I looked up to see my blue Tardis mug hovering in front of my face with steam bellowing out of the top, remembering it to be my cup of cocoa that I’d asked for. Now how was I going to tell her to leave my house in a couple of minutes before my agent got here?

‘Thanks Carm,’ I smiled nervously. But thankfully she didn’t notice and returned a warm smile at me. I took a sip of the hot chocolate and it was perfect, just the way I like it - Sweet, creamy and frothy. How was I going to tell this woman to disappear when she seemed to do everything right? But what if Danny was correct? What if she was trying to kill me in revenge for her mother’s death that I had inadvertently caused?

‘You alright?’ she asked, bringing me out of my thoughts, making me jump a little bit and almost scolding myself by spilling the contents in my mug onto the bedsheets, ‘Sorry, I keep making you jump.’

‘It’s ok. I’m just thinking,’ I couldn’t do it could I? I liked her, I didn’t want to risk my career but I couldn’t just give up on her, ‘Just maybe you should go home tonight?’

‘What?’ Carmilla asked. Her tone serious as she dropped an octave in her voice that almost scared me a little.

‘Just, you’ve been doing so much for me and I really can’t just accept this. I’ll be ok tonight, I don’t think I can sleep anymore anyway. Just go home?’ I pleaded desperately before adding, ‘Come back in the morning after you’ve slept at around 10? My Dad will be arriving around then.’

‘I can’t buttercup. I signed the forms at the hospital and…’

‘I know,’ I cut her off, ‘But I’ll be fine. I promise, I’ve already slept. I just need some time to be alone right now. Everything that happened last night is starting to hit me and I need some space to cope by myself.’

‘Well how about I sit in the living room and come and check on you every now and then?’ she offered. Oh crap, how was I going to work myself around this.

‘That’s a nice idea,’ I pondered for a moment, ‘But just knowing you’re downstairs is just going to make me feel guilty. You’re a guest in my house and I’m ignoring you. I really just need some space. Just please come by in the morning?’ I begged again.

‘Is there another reason you don’t want me here?’ Carmilla asked. Oh no. She was on to me.

‘No,’ I lied but the tone in my voice made it obvious so I knew I had to tell her but I didn’t know how, ‘My agent is coming over. He wants me to stop spending time with you. It’s a conflict of interest thing, you being the daughter of the mother who I managed to expose for corruption you know? But I don’t want to stop. I like what we have, whatever it is and I want to see where it will go. But if I don’t do as he says, he’ll drop me and I simply don’t have the money to afford an agent like him.’

I looked up to Carmilla’s face to gauge her reaction. At first it was cold and then it suddenly softened, ‘I understand. I don’t like it but you’ve got a career and I like that you’re independent. What more can a girl ask for from a woman?’ she smiled. Was she seriously flirting with me right now? ‘But your agent will be here all night looking after you right?’

‘Yes,’ I replied feeling sick to my stomach.

‘And he’ll look after you? I can trust him?’ she asked again.

‘Yes.’

‘And 10 tomorrow morning?’

‘Yes.’

‘Are you going to say anything other than yes?’

‘No. I mean, yes,’ I replied confused.

She lifted my hand to her lips and kissed it softly, like the chivalrous men in old films and the feeling of sickness in my stomach was replaced by the feeling of butterflies. ‘Until tomorrow,’ she whispered with my hand still close to her mouth, feeling the warm breath tickle my skin.

‘Yeah, tomorrow,’ I sighed in a lovesick Juliet type of way. Let’s just hope we end differently than Romeo and Juliet, whether we find out that we both like each other or not.

And with that she swiftly left the room and then I remembered, ‘Wait!’

She reappeared in an instant, ‘Yes?’

‘How will you get home?’

‘I’ll get a taxi. I’m the Queen of Uber,’ she grinned.

‘No, take my car, I trust you’ll bring it back,’ I whispered, ‘It’s got a sat nav and everything so you can get back here tomorrow. I mean that’s if you can drive?’

‘Are you sure you’ll let me do that? I’m not a very good driver,’ she scrunched her face up slightly.

‘I trust you,’ I responded and she smiled at me, ‘The keys for my Fiat are hanging up by the door with a Cyberman head keyring.’

‘You and Doctor Who,’ she grinned, ‘10 o’clock.’

‘10 o’clock,’ I reiterated.

And then she was gone and shortly after, I heard the front door close and the lights of my car fade from the window. I just hoped she’d be back. At least if she was using me, she’d probably just take my car and leave rather than come back for more things to steal. Until tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy tonight Creampuffs ;)


	8. Saving My Career and Ruining My Life in the Space of One Minute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wish life was simple. I could have a girlfriend without her ending up being a murderer, or a potential one and have an agent who didn't care for my personal life. Why aren't things as simple as the movies? Although I suppose Harry Potter never had a simple life did he? Ok, now I'll stick with my own problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My internet is back up so here's the next chapter to celebrate!

I heard a knock on my door and rushed downstairs hoping it would be Carmilla returning. I wished she'd say that she didn't care about my agent and just wanted to be with me. I imagined her wrapping her arms around my waist, lifting me into her arms and taking me to my room like before; placing me on to my sheets and feeling her lips on mine, both sets of my lips... Dear God Hollis, you've only just met this woman, calm the hell down. I opened my door breathlessly as in my rush to open the door for the girl I was falling deeply for, I forgot that I was still very sick. The individual who stood in front of me towered over my tiny body and filled me with disappointment. Of course it was Mark, my agent. His jet black hair spiked to the top that he looked like he presented a kids TV show, but nope, he was my agent and the reason I had gotten the scoop on the Silas U story.

'Is she gone?' Mark asked. His first words were that? Not, 'How are you feeling?' Or, 'I'm so glad you're ok,' instead it was just business as usual.

'Yes,' I wheezed.

'Good,' he scooted past me, inviting himself in and immediately went for the front room with his laptop bag in his hand, 'I'm going to stay up all night trying to fix your career. Go to bed, you need to get better soon.'

Finally, he was being nice to me and actually cared for my wellbeing, 'Thanks.'

'Well, if you're to get back to work and do some press conferences saying that you've ditched Karnstein, I'm not able to have you wheezing all over the cameras. Now off to bed, you've already done enough damage, no need to do anymore,' he said as I watched him take his Mac Book out of its casing and plug it into my socket. Without even glancing over at me, he continued to work as though I were invisible in my own home.

I crawled up to bed, missing the arms of my raven locked girl who carried me up last time. What I would do to have her here again. Oh Lord! The blue boxed Lords! Can you stop being so hopelessly hopeless? Thinking about wanting her here is just hopeless which is, well, you know? Hopeless.

My bed was cold and the sheets provided me with more reason to stay awake and it was then that I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. It was a sleeveless black leather jacket that I recognised to be Carmilla's. She must have taken it off and left it on my chair and forgotten to take it with her. I got out of bed and eyed it carefully, before pouncing on it and holding it up to the light. Yes it was hers, it had to be. I brought it towards my nose and it smelled exactly like her and the smell of burning cinnamon and metal comforted me. I dragged it into the bed beside me and rested it where she had laid less than 30 minutes ago. It was like I could sleep next to her without her being here. I slowly smoothed it down with the palms of my hands, touching it with every deliberate move as though she still wore the jacket, tracing my fingers over every seam and taking in what was hers before curling up next to it and placing my hand in the opening so that I could feel the lining. This would be how I would fall asleep and no one would know except for me and the jacket. My eyes began to drift and as did my hand, feeling every inch of the soft lining until it stopped over a hardened block. I flung my eyes open to see what it was and looked inside to see a stain. It was dark and crusty. There was only one type of substance that could create that type of stain. Blood. But before I could think of it anymore, my brain had transported me into a different universe. Unfortunately it wasn't to Hogwarts.

*

I woke up to my phone ringing and answered straight away, 'Carmilla? I asked with a groggy tone whilst reaching my hand to my eyes to wipe the sleep out of them.

'Who?' I heard the gruff tone down the other end of the phone.

'Dad!' I exclaimed, happy to hear his voice, 'Hi!'

'Hello love. How are you feeling?' He asked.

'I'm ok. Very tired but ok,' then it clicked, 'Wait, Dad what time is it?'

After a moment's pause, '9:45.'

'Ahhh Creampuffs!' I squeaked, 'I need to be ready by 10.'

'You got something planned?' Dad asked as I realised he was still on the other end of the phone.

'I've got a friend coming over to relieve the person who is staying with me right now,' I answered, feeling slightly creeped out by calling Carmilla a 'friend'. What was she?

'Ok sweetie, well I've just finished my shift so I was going to come over and see you. I'll be there in 2 hours,' he instructed and then added in a quiet voice, 'Is that ok?'

'Yes, that's fine,' I replied slightly distant, thinking of how I was going to get Mark to leave before Carmilla arrived.

'Well I'll let you get ready then and see you in two hours,' he said and I could feel his smile from the other end of the phone.

'Bye Daddy,' I grinned before putting the phone down. Yep, definitely a Daddy's girl.

Then I remembered my first task for this morning. I leapt out of bed and ran down the stairs, once again forgetting that I was sick and having to catch my breath at the bottom. There was Mark; sitting with his feet up on my table with a Mac Book on his lap.

'Mark!' I panted in a totally non-sexual way. He looked up to me and I could see he was eating a cookie. MY cookies!

'Good that you're awake. I fixed your career, you'll be thanking me later,' he spat with cookie crumbs falling down on my clean rug.

'Right well you can go. My Dad will be here in a bit,' I lied. Well it was only a tiny smidgen of a lie.

'Good because I've got other clients to attend to that don't need their careers saving.' He shut the lid on his computer and squeezed it into the bag before leaving without another word. What an arrogant bastard.

I looked at the clock, 9:55, ok, things would be ok. Totally ok. But my rug was filthy. No, I had to make a good impression on Carmilla so rushed to the cupboard under the stairs and began to vacuum up. I was so adamant about getting every nook and cranny that I didn't hear the doorbell or incessant knocking until I saw my door handle move so hard that it nearly snapped off.

I ran to the door and fumbled with the lock to open it, this means Mark must have a set of my keys. What agent keeps a set of their clients keys? Oh, I know! Estate agents! Funny Hollis, funny, you're going to have to remember that joke.

'Carm!' I flung my arms around her and she tensed up. She was like this before, it's ok, she'll relax in a sec... ok? Maybe another sec? Or another?' I began to realize that she wouldn't hug me back so reluctantly relinquished my grip on her.

I looked at her face and I couldn't read it. It wasn't calm or happy but more annoyed and... Angry?

'Well that's one way to say hello,' her tone was nonchalant and I knew something was wrong.

'What's wrong?' I asked.

'Why don't you tell me?'

'What?'

'Oh Laura this is beyond a joke. Did you not think it would upset me?'

'What would upset you?' I asked.

'Oh my god!' Carmilla exclaimed angrily and ran her fingers through her hair whilst taking a deep breath, 'What you told the news.'

'The news?' I asked confused, scrunching my face up slightly, 'I haven't spoken to anyone from the news.'

Carmilla pushed past me and waltzed into the living room. Even when she was angry she had this air of elegance about her that made her feel older than she was. Perfect posture, walked with the correct gait and acted as though she were from the Habsburg Empire time. She grabbed the TV remote and turned it on to the catch-up section. She flicked back to 9am on the news channel which was when the pit in my stomach began to feel deeper, reminding me of yesterday.

'Hourly news,' the broadcaster said as a picture of the explosion site popped up on TV, 'The latest update with the explosion at the journalism convention is that it is believed to have been caused by a third party. The police are currently investigating a couple of leads in regards to a guest that was uninvited to the event, Carmilla Karnstein. It was revealed that Miss Karnstein was invited to the event by Laura Hollis, the reporter who exposed the corruption at Silas University last year. Miss Karnstein is the daughter of the Dean at Silas who died before trial. In related news,' a picture of me popped up, 'Laura Hollis has announced a public statement saying 'I was unaware of who Miss Karnstein was when I invited her to the convention. I therefore invited her under false pretenses. If this is an attempt on my life that has caused the death of an individual and injured many, then I sincerely apologise to the friends and family of those involved. I would never have let a murderer in there if I'd have known.'

The words were written in writing too, in orange below my face, 'I would never have let a murderer in there if I'd have known.'

I looked at Carmilla and had no idea what to say. Her face was angry and slightly red, and I could see through the mirror behind her that mine was deathly white.

'I didn't say that,' I whispered almost inaudibly, 'Please. You've got to believe me.'

She lost some of her tension but still remained on guard, I hoped she'd believed me.

'Well let's say I do believe you. What now?'

'What do you mean?'

'Well you care so much for your career. Are you going to just start being with me and wreck your career by dating me? A murderer? Or are we going to do this in secret because I don't do secrets.'

'Carm, I don't know. I just don't know. I've only just woken up, please can we sit down and talk? I don't like that you're upset and...'

'Well how do you expect me to be?' Carmilla interrupted, 'Fine with it? As though it's nothing that the girl I like has just called me a murderer on national news whether she did it or not?'

'I don't know what you want me to say Carm,' I sniffed realising that I was going to cry.

'You know, maybe it would be easier for me to be a murderer. To actually be trying to kill you. That way I'd have no right to complain about what you've said,' she hissed.

Her harshness struck a chord within me and I began to let the tears cascade from my eyes and before I knew it I was having trouble breathing and gulping violently for air. Through my ocean-like eyes, I saw the blur of Carmilla move closer to me and then move back. I sobbed again and collapsed onto the floor but before I properly fell, I was captured into her arms and my face was on her shoulders, crying softly onto her. Her arms were wrapped around me and I felt safe, her scent overwhelmed my nostrils and I felt her lips on my hair, kissing it softly. She began to rock side to side as though I were a child that needed comforting, although it wasn't far off. I could have stayed there forever and never had her let go of me, this was something? Love, I doubt but this was definitely some sort of instant attraction and I couldn't just let it go.

I pulled away as I'd stopped crying so heavily and saw a huge wet spot all over her shirt.

'I'm sorry,' I sniffed as I wiped the snot from my nose.

'It's ok cupcake,' she smiled whilst wiping up the tears from my eyes. Her hands on my face was all I needed as I shut my eyelids and placed my hands on top of hers to feel them and relish in the sight I could still see through closed eyes. I began to open them and knew that I didn't want anything other than my lips on hers. I took my hands off hers and placed them on her cheeks so we were both holding one another's face in our hands. I began to lean forwards, I was so close, taking in her smell and as soon as I saw her moving into me as well, I closed my eyes waiting for our lips to meet and for the explosions through my veins to start.

There was a loud bang from behind me but I was safe with Carmilla and just wanted to kiss her but our lips didn't meet. Instead her hands vanished from my face and I opened my eyes to see her tense up.

'Get away from her!' I heard from behind me... Danny.

Carmilla was up on her feet in a flash, slapped whatever Danny had out of her hands and grabbed Danny by the neck, lifting all 6 feet of her off the ground, however plausible that might sound. The thing Carmilla had slapped away landed on the floor with a musical sound and as it stilled I looked towards it. A wooden... Stake?

'What the?' I whispered to myself as I reached forwards to pick it up.

'I won't let you hurt her,' Danny wheezed as Carmilla tightened her grip on the tall red head.

'Not to ruin your big heroic entrance Xena, but she's not the one in trouble,' Carmilla growled.

'If you think that I can't get up...' Danny began before Carmilla cut her off, literally, by cutting her windpipe off momentarily.

'I have been doing my very best to be patient with you ever since Uni. Patient about the ambush, the hostage taking and the starvation diet but this is on a whole new level and I am having difficulty remembering why it is I haven't torn out your spine.'

'No! Don't! Please don't!' I pleaded. 'Carmilla. Look, Danny's sorry and she's not going to try and do whatever she wants to with this stake.'

'You bought a stake along with you. Did you think you were going to kill me?'

'Carmilla, please let her go!'

'If I let her go she'll kill me. If I let her go she'll make people believe that I started that fire to kill you.'

'She won't.'

Carmilla looked over to me and with all the sincerity she could possess she said those words I'll never forget, 'I could never hurt you Laura.'

Without realising what I was saying, 'I won't let her harm you,' slipped off of my tongue.

We shared a glance. That knowing glance. The 'I promise' glance, the 'I would die for you' glance, the 'I love you' glance.

Carmilla released Danny from her grasp who collapsed onto the floor.

'Are you ok?' I asked Danny.

'Mmhmm,' she nodded.

I turned to Carmilla who was starting to slip out of the door. 'Carmilla! Wait,' I called after her. I ran to the door but had to stagger those last few steps and when I looked up she was gone, my car was in the driveway but she had left. 'Carmilla! Don't leave me! Please!' I balled. But she was gone. She'd left me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you might have noticed that I've changed the story to have an extra chapter, it will now be 14 chapters long as I realised I had too much material for 13 chapters. Here's hoping this does it!


	9. The Interrogation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carm?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me so long to figure out how I wanted this written. I'd had a draft sitting in front of me for a whole week but it just wasn't working for me even with all my changes so today I just started the chapter from scratch and finally found where I wanted it. Hope you guys enjoy it!

‘What are you doing here?’ I asked angrily once I’d picked myself and my shattered heart off of the ground. She’d come back. She had to. She said she could never hurt me and surely she knew that by leaving me she was going to hurt me.

‘I was just… I was just scared for you,’ Danny replied strongly without any lasting signs of the choking from Carmilla that she’d endured.

‘I know, but look! I’ve got everything under control,’ I growled. Or at least I would have if you hadn’t barged in!

‘Under control?’ Danny asked in a quiet, disbelieving tone. ‘Laura, you think this is under control? In the past two days you’ve taken a stranger out to a convention who happened to be the daughter of the woman you got arrested for corruption, you have almost gotten killed by a fire, you have been seeing her behind everyone’s back and now she’s gone and you don’t care!’

‘Ok, there are perfectly reasonable - reasons for all of that,’ I stumbled trying to get my breath back considering that my damaged lungs were working with a broken heart.

‘Oh could you just stop pretending that this is nothing?’ Danny exclaimed angrily.

‘But it is nothing… Carmilla is special,’ I whispered the last part as it hurt my heart knowing that she might not come back even though she would.

‘You got that right!’ Danny spat before taking a calmer approach, ‘It’s just… If you’re going to see her then you need to call me…’

‘Have to call you? Are you serious? We’ve known each other for two days and now I have to call you if I want to see someone that I’ve known for two days? Because it’s, like, your job to keep me safe?’ I yelled.

‘Yes!’ Danny yelled back.

‘What?’

‘I care about you! I care about everyone that Carmilla comes across because she’s dangerous and a murderer. I never thought she’d stoop low enough to killing someone for fun rather than for a purpose but she never fails to surprise me in a bad way. Of course it’s my job to keep you safe. It’s my duty as a Summer Society member.;

‘Well, I’m sorry that my making my own decisions and being reckless is making it hard for you to do your job,’ I snarled.

‘I didn’t mean it like that,’ Danny tried to backpedal to high heaven so she could escape the pathetic mess she’d made for me and my life.

‘Yes you did! You meant that Laura’s too dumb to know what she can and can’t handle and needs to be protected by the big strong grownups. That’s all anyone ever wants to say to me. My Dad, my agent, you,’ my mind thought to Carmilla for a brief second, ‘Everyone.’

‘But…’

‘No Danny! Least I remind you who brought the Dean at Silas U down for corruption? It was me. Single handedly. Not the Summers, not the Zetas, not the Alchemy Club but me. I would have thought that was enough proof to show you that I can handle myself. Just because I’m the size of a child doesn’t mean you have the right to treat me as one.’

‘Look, Laura…’

‘I’m happy you care,’ I interrupted. ‘I do. I like that you’re brave and strong and righteous but I don’t need a Dad. I’ve already got that one covered. Speaking of that, my Dad will be here soon so please just leave? I need to get things ready for his arrival.’

‘Ok, fine. I’ll leave…’ Danny trailed off, ‘And just be careful, ok?’

I nodded, ‘Yes.’

‘So… I’ll see you around, I guess.’

She stood around, waiting for me to reply but I refused to speak or even look at her. What if she’d made me lose Carmilla forever? I would never forgive her for that. When she finally got the hint, she left my house, closing the front door softly and as soon as I heard the door click shut, I was back on my knees weeping like a kid who’d dropped their ice cream on the floor and their parents refused to buy them another one.

*

The next thing I could remember was a set of strong arms wrapped around me trying to lift me unsuccessfully to my feet.

‘Carmilla,’ I blubbered hoping to see her come back for me.

‘Is that your friend?’ I heard the comforting voice of the male that used to soothe me to sleep when I was a child ask.

‘Dad,’ I cried. I had become so emotional since meeting Carm, I just couldn’t help myself. She made me feel things I’d never experienced before and knew I’d never experience again. I’d lost her and knew she wouldn’t be coming back because she’d already be here if she were.

My Dad had successfully struggled to get me back upstairs and into my bed before telling him what had happened. I think he understood the weeping mess that lay in front of him but at the same time, it made no sense to me so I’m not sure how much sense it would make to him. I knew he held me and had told me some really bad jokes to try and settle me down and at some point I’d stopped crying but not because Dad had made me laugh but because I couldn’t physically cry anymore. I’d only ever experienced this when my mother had died but I was experiencing it all over again for someone I’d known for less than 48 hours.

I remember Dad leaving me for a brief moment, discussing how he could hear the doorbell. I couldn’t but I couldn’t hear much over my sniffling. I just wanted her back. How could she say she’d never hurt me and then leave me like this? What type of sick human being lies about something like that?

‘Miss Hollis?’ I heard a male voice speak and my watery eyes darted to where he stood. Two police officers in my room and I was a soppy mess. ‘Sergeant Theo Straka and this is my partner, Sergeant Melanippe Callis. We have some questions for you and need you to come down to the station.’

I don’t think I moved, it was my Dad who spoke first.

‘Captain Hollis,’ my Dad stood and the two officers in front of him stood to attention. Get my Dad showing off, ‘My daughter is clearly in a state of shock. I will bring her in for questioning in a few hours when she is fit enough to answer questions.’

‘May we have a word, Captain?’ The female asked as the three of them stepped outside to speak. I attempted to listen in but somehow managed to drift into sleep where I dreamed of cookies, Carmilla, hot chocolate, Carmilla, marshmallows and just a tiny hint of Carmilla. She was invading my dreams, it was impossible to get away from her.

*

It was late afternoon when I woke up and I felt the rubbing of the back of my hand. I sat up quickly, causing my vision to go slightly blurry and for my brain to pound heavily in my skull. I hoped it was Carmilla but it was rougher and the fingers were harder, bigger and less silky. As my vision regained and the pounding ceased, I saw my Dad sitting at the end of my bed. Of course it was my Dad.

‘Hey sweetie,’ he smiled, ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Better,’ I whispered. I wasn’t lying but I wasn’t telling the truth either.

‘Do you remember what happened earlier? With the officers coming to the house?’

‘Yes,’ I nodded, making my head pound again.

‘Do you feel like you’re ready to answer any questions?’ Dad asked sweetly, ‘They told me what happened with Carmilla. You kept saying her name in your sleep but it sounded distressed,’ he paused. ‘Did she hurt you?’

I looked at him and his face was soft but his eyes were full of worry. He was nervous that Carm had hurt his little girl and I could’ve cried at how scared he looked. I needed him to believe me and to believe those words Carm had said ‘I could never hurt you’ because maybe she thought that leaving now was the best thing for me so that I didn’t have to give up my life to see what I could have with her. Or maybe she realised how unrealistic that was. We could never be together, not with my job and I simply realised I couldn’t choose a girl I barely knew over everything I’d worked for over the past 10 years. I mean who would?

‘Dad, I promise she didn’t hurt me. She saved me in that fire, she pulled me away and protected me. She saved my life and everyone is calling her a murderer but she saved me. She was with me every single second, she couldn’t have done it. The only thing that hurts me is that I like her but I know that due to a conflict of interests type-thing, I won’t ever get a chance to see what could have been,’ I explained whilst giving hand gestures to exaggerate my point. I gave a brief pause as I said it outloud for the first time, ‘And I can’t just give up my life for a girl I barely even know.’

‘Did she ask you to do that?’

‘No!’ I interjected, ‘In fact she’s the one who ended the possibility of us getting to know one another further.’

My Dad nodded in an understanding way but it held so much to it. He held the pain of my heartbreak as he was beginning to understand what I was going through and how hard it was for me to remain level headed. He’d seen so many people live their lives with what-could-be’s and what-has-been’s and placed many of them behind bars so to see his daughter going through it too could only be heartbreaking for him.

‘Are you ready to speak to the Police?’ Dad asked trying to calm himself down and reset his function mode to ‘Police Officer’ instead of the mode it was on currently.

‘Yes,’ I whispered, not really sure if I was.

‘Get changed and I’ll meet you downstairs in 10 minutes with something to eat before we leave,’ he smiled before leaving the room.

Was I really ready for this? Honestly? To answer questions to people who believed Carm was a killer? I thought for a moment before getting out of bed with a sense of urgency. Of course I was ready. She was innocent and I had to convince them.

I threw on some clothes, the first thing in my wardrobe that came to hand consisted of a dark blue, light blue and white underskirt dress that made me look like I was a college kid again but quite frankly I didn’t care as the burning in my lungs was not from the smoke inhalation but from the need to prove Carmilla innocent. I quickly plaited two braids because to be fair I’d not washed my hair in a few days and realised that I now looked even more like a teenager, I’d have laughed if time wasn’t of the essence.

I ran downstairs, well, more like hobbled as I didn’t want to be panting for breath at the bottom of the stairs again and saw my Dad in the kitchen.

‘Dad, let’s go,’ I said.

‘What about your food? I made you a butternut squash spread rice cake sandwich,’ he held the plate in the air and gave it a little shake attempting to draw me in and whilst I wanted so badly to help Carmilla, it was impossible for my belly to resist food, especially something so yummy but I had to refuse, I had to!

‘Ok,’ I squeaked. NO! I know you’re judging me, I can feel it. I. MUST. DECLINE. ‘Bring it in the car.’

Dad nodded and brought the plate out and I eyed the deliciousness that was the rice cake with butternut squash spread and orange zest and coriander and… Ok, calm the hell down Hollis. Was this what vampires were like when they saw blood? I’d have to ask one if I ever got a chance to meet one.

As soon as I sat down in the passenger seat, I devoured the food a bit too quickly for my liking. I wish I’d savoured it because it was lovely and now I had to think about what I was going to say. My mind couldn’t be sidetracked with food now, it was just me trying to figure out how to convince everybody that Carmilla was innocent. I looked out of the window into the fields the road cut through, it was beautiful and it felt so free, I just wish I was able to be free even if it meant giving up my career. The past few days had been hell and I began to wonder if this was the life I wanted where everyone scrutinised you for who you dated. I’d survived the endless rumours of people saying that I was dating my co-workers but it wasn’t nice back then. I’d said that we’d been to a restaurant together in one of my articles and it was purely to discuss work and catch up outside of the business room and instantly everyone jumped onto the real life shipping and saying that we were on a romantic date to a restaurant. Sometimes I wish that I could escape all that. It was nice to have people who supported you but it’s different when people attempt to support you personally instead of professionally and try to pry into your life outside of work. I hoped that one day I could escape it and it was my only regret for exposing the corruption at Silas U.

Before I knew it, we were parked outside the station and my stomach was doing more somersaults than Buffy during a fight sequence but I had to be strong. I had to be strong for Carmilla. This was the right thing to do.

I’m glad my Dad was there as he knew exactly what he was doing, who to tell that I had arrived and what to say and before long I was being escorted into a room but not like an interrogation room with a one way window that I was expecting from my avid watching of CSI but just a normal room like an office. There was a desk with two chairs either side and I took a seat facing the desk, waiting for the officers who were to question me to enter.

It didn’t take too long, they almost seemed to be quite quick at appearing. Then again, someone had died, I suppose that they don’t take minutes to arrive when you’re one of the only possible leads they have on something so serious.

‘Miss Hollis, we’re glad you could come in,’ Sergeant Straka spoke as he came to sit down opposite me whilst Sergeant Callis stood by the door.

‘Yeah, I’m good to answer anything now,’ I said, not sure if I was supposed to respond to that or not.

‘I’m going to write down everything you say is that ok?’

‘So no cool tape recorder thing like you see on…’

‘This is no time to joke Miss Hollis,’ he interrupted, ‘One person is dead, another is in a serious condition at the hospital and instead of helping us, you’re going to joke to me about cop shows you’ve watched on the TV?’

I was speechless. ‘Sorry,’ I whispered.

‘Now, what happened on the night of the arson?’

‘I… Errr… Where do you want me to start?’ I didn’t want to waste his time but had no idea what was important for them to know or not.

‘Were you with Carmilla Karnstein all evening?’

‘Yes.’

‘So she didn’t leave at any point?’

‘No.’

‘Not even to go to the bathroom?’

I thought for a minute, she didn’t go to the bathroom but she did go and get a drink, ‘She went to the bar at one point during the party but she was only gone for a matter of seconds.’

‘But she still left and could have started the fire,’ Sergeant Callis spoke for the first time.

‘But she was with me when the explosion happened,’ I hurried.

‘She still could have done it,’ Sergeant Straka mumbled as he wrote down things on his notepad.

‘Then why would she have stayed so close to the blast site?’ I asked, ‘We both got hurt in that explosion.’

‘Mistake or to try and show she was innocent,’ Sergeant Straka replied, ‘Then again, she was trying to kill you so maybe it was a suicide mission to kill you and herself.’

‘But she saved me!’ I yelled, ‘I was dying and she rescued me! If she wanted me to die then why would she have done that?’

‘What do you mean that she saved you?’ Sergeant Straka asked. For the first time in this talk he actually looked interested in what I had to say.

‘When the explosion happened, I hit my head and blacked out. We were around nobody else so she could have just left me to die and no one would have known that she could have helped me. She dragged me out of the way of the smoke. I would have died of smoke inhalation if she hadn’t risked her life to save mine. What type of murderer would do that to their victims unless they weren’t a murderer afer all?’

‘You say you blacked out, are you sure that you weren’t imagining things?’

I took massive offense to it and was about to open my mouth when I realised what he meant. I had imagined things though. It wasn’t Carmilla who dragged me away, it was a giant black cat. ‘I…’ No Hollis, she was innocent wasn’t she? ‘I can’t be sure.’

‘Then I’d appreciate it if you only told us the truth from now on. Is there anything else?’

I shook my head as I felt a tear fall from my eye.

‘Thank you for your time, you can see yourself out,’ Sergeant Straka said before leaving the room with Sergeant Callis following behind.

I had just sold Carmilla out. But what if I had imagined all of this and I was actually thrown to where I woke up with Carmilla over me? I was so sure it was Carmilla as my eyes had adjusted to show her but I had seen a panther so what if I’d imagined all of that and really she was trying to kill me but had been unsuccessful? I had no idea what to believe anymore and I couldn’t even trust myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting to the stage of me nearly finishing a fiction and thinking what I'm doing next. Hopefully if you like my work, please subscribe so you can get updates as to any new fics I start writing after. I've got a pretty cool idea at the moment but just trying to see if I can make it work. I promise I'm going to start getting more frequent with my updates too, I hope you can forgive me for now, we're having nightmares with the new house :(


	10. The First Date and the Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carm? Where are you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the longest chapter I've ever done and plan on doing. I spent 2 days writing this without having a break in between because I just had to. Don't expect this all the time from me :P I thought I'd give something to you guys whilst I can. The next 2 weeks are going to be pretty busy for me as I'm still job hunting and doing my final PT exams over the next 2 weeks so from now until then I'm really only focused on revising. I hope you guys like the chapter though and I promise I'll update it when I can but it may not be as often as I'd like - Maybe back to once a week.

Dad had taken me home but had taken home a different girl than the one he’d brought to the station. I was now a weeping mess - Again. I wish I could retract my statement and save Carm but would that be wrong? What if she really had set the fire? Danny had said that she’d killed someone before. AND Danny said that Carm - Carmilla - had a history of arson. What if Danny was right? They did go to the same Uni as one another and Danny seemed to know all of Carmilla’s history. Thinking about it, I knew her mother’s history and they say that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. With that in respect, I couldn’t be 100% that Carm wasn’t dead set on trying to kill me with ‘dead’ being the operative word.

Dad had tried to talk to me all car journey but I’d refused to talk back and just silently wept into my palms as I realised what I’d done and what she’d attempted to do to me. Or at least what the Police thought she was trying to do to me. When he pulled up to my house, I let myself in and trudged up to my room without even acknowledging my Dad being present.

I threw off my clothes and pulled on my tank top and joggers that I slept in. I knew I wouldn’t sleep but I suppose it was a natural reaction. It was getting late and that’s what normal people do when it’s dark, they put on their bedtime clothes and fall asleep. How I craved to be normal, to have a normal relationship and find the type of love that clicks, the type of love that Carm could be possible of giving me. Oh Carm, where are you?

I slumped down on to my bed and collapsed to where the jacket lay. Her jacket. The beautifully crafted leather reminder I had of the love I lost and I curled into it wanting nothing more than her scent to calm me. Is it possible to fall for someone so quickly? Is love at first sight really a thing? 48 hours and I’d already found my rock, I needed her in my life but she was gone, what would I ever do?

I closed my eyes and repeated my actions from the night previously like it was a mantra. Breathe in and take in the fumes of cinnamon and metal. Breathe out and caress the material in my hands and imagine her beautiful portrait. The way her hair curled elegantly around the curves on her face, the on point eyebrows which she must spend hours doing, her soft lips. God, my one regret was not having a chance to kiss them. If I could just go back in time, just for one moment then I would place my lips on hers before anyone or anything cockblocked us again!

I opened my eyes as I pondered the thought and looked down at the jacket. I just wish she was here. Why can’t she be here?

Then something caught my eye. The little label that you find in the side seam of the lining in a jacket where it tells you how much you should wash it had writing scribbled over it. I read the sculpted letters.

‘If found call 0688 987 65 08’

Was this a miracle? Could it be? Could it be her number? Oh my God! I couldn’t wait any longer, I had to try.

I grabbed my phone on the bedside table and punched the numbers in on the touch screen. I heard the dial tone and placed the speaker to my ear and prayed that she’d pick up. One ring. Ok. Two rings. Come on. Three rings. She won’t pick up. Fourth ring. Maybe I called the wrong…

‘Hello?’ I heard that voice. The voice that felt like soft satin sheets to my ears that flowed so eloquently off her tongue that it reminded me of a river. So sure in what she would say, never questioning, never fraught with emotion but just Carmilla. I was instantly comforted, I’d never need her to say anything else as she was here right now with me.

‘Hi,’ I mouthed and realised that no sound had come out, I couldn’t speak, I was literally speechless.

‘Hello?’

‘Hi!’ I squeaked in the most embarrassing way.

There was silence and I didn’t know if that was a good or a bad thing.

‘How did you get my number?’

‘Your jacket… I… Errm,’ I stammered, ‘You left it and it had a number in and I thought it was worth a shot.’

‘Why are you calling?’ Carm asked and her voice sounded cold and not at all happy like I’d anticipated.

‘Because I...’ Oh man, this stuff was so hard, ‘I wanted to. No, correction. I needed to.’

‘Needed to?’ Carm questioned and her voice was now starting to show the emotion that I was hoping but was still calm and not at all revealing, unless you’re a journalist who has her own type of spidey sense going on.

‘I needed to hear your voice. I just. No. You just left me earlier and I don’t know how to react.’

‘You move on with your life. We can’t be together Laura, your career…’

‘I don’t care about my career!’ I interrupted. What? That wasn’t meant to escape and realised I needed to expand, ‘What I mean is, I don’t care what impact my love life has on my career. I’m a damn good writer and if people don’t want to read it anymore because I’m dating an evil person then so be it. I like you. I really do and right now I couldn’t give a rat’s arse as to who knows or who cares. I want to see where we can lead to.’

There was silence, again and I began to wonder if I’d lost her. Oh please answer me.

‘Ok,’ I heard her whisper from the other end of the phone.

The butterflies in my stomach were now being released. YES! ‘Ok!?’ I squealed, ‘I’m so happy! So so happy! Please can I see you? I need to see you. I’ve been thinking about you all day.’

She gave a light chuckle from the end of the phone and I sensed she was smiling. I had her back in my life and no words could explain how happy I was right now.

‘How about we meet up in the park in the centre of the city tomorrow at noon?’ Carmilla suggested.

‘That long?’

‘Well a taxi at this time of night would cost a bomb,’ she paused suddenly, ‘I’m sorry, that was a poor choice of words.’

I realised what she’d said. I hadn’t noticed, I was too caught up in my daydreams of her and what was going to happen to even consider her poor judgement in words.

‘I’ll pay,’ I said.

‘What?’

‘I’ll pay for your cab. Just come over here and see me? Please?’ I begged.

‘Then how could I say no?’

‘I’m so excited to see you! Just so excited! I’ll order us some takeout and we can watch a movie or something and cuddle.’ I lowered my tone and was very satisfied with my delivery of the next line, ‘And maybe we can have the dessert that you suggested the other day.’

I heard her take a sharp breath in. I had affected her. Boom!

‘I will be there before you know it,’ she purred.

‘Will you leave scorch marks on your leather pants?’ I giggled.

‘You’ll just have to wait and see. I’ll call the cab right now,’

I bit my lip. Hard. Oh God! ‘Ok awesome! BYE!’ And I hung up.

I needed a shower. Oh my God. This was the type of relationship I wanted and needed. I didn’t deserve this Goddess but I was determined to make it work and I’ll live with the consequences of a failed career if I have to. I write because I love it, not so I can have rumours spread about me and if people are so concerned as to who I’m dating or don’t like who I’m dating or who I’m not dating or my sexuality or whatever then I’d rather not have them in my fanbase. I will date who I want and my personal life has nothing to do with my career so stick it to anyone who thinks that it does.

I looked back over to the leather jacket and traced my fingers on the lining again. I was going to have her lying next to me, I had to! My dreams of her lying beside me would become a reality.

Then my fingers froze on a spot in the jacket. I remembered this spot last night and had fallen asleep before I’d gotten the chance to examine it properly. The blood stain.

I reached for my phone and did a quick Google check to find the phone number of ORF and found the department number for sports. Luckily I was put through straight away to a receptionist and told her who I was and who I needed. She put me through and before I knew it a ‘Hello’ came from the end of the phone.

‘Danny. We need to talk.’

*

I heard a knock on my door and opened it to see the raven locked girl who wore a smug grin. She looked gorgeous. She always seemed to know how to dress as though she had hundreds of years practising. I eyed her up and down as I considered how underdressed I was. My gold and white fringe styled top and dark blue denim jeans were nothing compared to her grey oversized t-shirt and ripped black jeans. Yeah we were both in casual clothes but she looked like she’d put so much effort into her choice of style. Maybe I was just being biased though? Carm could wear a cardboard box and she’d still look stunning.

‘Well, hello,’ she grinned cheesily.

‘Hi,’ I squeaked. Chill, Hollis, chill!

‘The cab guy is waiting for his money, I gave him what I had in my purse but there’s an extra €5 that I don’t have.’

‘I said I’d pay!’

‘No biggie,’ she shrugged.

‘Carmilla! You’re unemployed of course it’s a biggie! I have the money to spend,’ I reminded her.

‘So do I!’ Carmilla snapped, ‘You know when you killed my mother I was left a fucking University in the will.’

I was speechless. She just said I’d killed her mother. ‘Carm.’

‘I’m sorry, that was completely uncalled for. Sorry, I’m still very bitter about what happened. Not with you but with my mother. I now have this reputation for being like her but I’m the complete opposite. I don’t need to work but I do because I want to feel like I can have a normal life and work for something. Everyone wants money to grow off trees but there is nothing like the feeling of knowing that you’ve earned every cent you put in your back pocket and I don’t care what anyone says. I’d rather not have any money and be working hard to put dinner on the table than have all the money in the world and do nothing. What type of a life is that? I just don’t like relying on her, especially now she’s dead.’

I exchanged a look with her, I was unsure of what to say because I didn’t know what any of this meant. But before I could do or say anything we were interrupted by the sound of a car horn.

‘I’ll go and get that,’ I whispered as I grabbed my purse by the front door and ran down to give €5 to the cab driver who quickly sped off, not wanting to stick around any longer.

I slowly walked up the steps to my home and was completely unsure on what I was going to do. Carm was so broken but so hostile and I very much doubted my belief that she was innocent, she’d just said I killed her mother and the theories as to why she’s out to kill me is because I killed her mother. That just makes her guilty, I was so glad Danny would arrive shortly because I didn’t know how long I could stand being murderer bait.

She had her right forearm resting on the doorframe with her forehead placed gently on it. She looked so hurt and the first thing my mind could tell me to do was to reach out and comfort her. I placed my hand on her lower back.

‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered, her voice sounded as broken as she was.

‘It’s ok,’ I whispered back as I got closer to her from behind and enveloped my arms around her. She felt genuine remorse for upsetting me. Wait, was she really the murderer I was pegging her out to be?

‘God, what’s wrong with me tonight?’ Carmilla growled in anger but only directed her temper at herself as she clenched her fists.

‘Come inside,’ I whispered as I took her hand in mine and led her inside and up to my room. I didn’t know why I wanted her up there, I was unsure if she was a killer or not. Dad was in the spare room at the other side of the house so it’s not like I was in earshot if something went wrong but I’m not able to explain my thoughts or understand them. I wanted this woman but could I really trust her?

I closed the door and turned to her. She was looking at me uncomfortably which made me think that she didn’t want me, after all the hints, you’d expect that when the girl you’ve been flirting with takes you up to her room that you’d jump on top of her right away! What was going on in her head?

‘So,’ she drew out, ‘What do you want to do?’ Carmilla shifted her feet.

‘Are you ok? You seem really uncomfortable,’ I voiced to which she snapped her head up at me and her cheeks flushed.

‘I’ve never really done this whole first date type of thing. I don’t know what I’m doing,’ she breathed as though telling me took the weight off of her shoulders.

I smiled. Carmilla Karnstein was nervous. It was kind of cute and even though I didn’t know how to feel, I just had to do everything to make her comfortable. Before I called Danny over, I wanted to at least kiss her. I knew that if I didn’t, I’d regret it.

‘You into sports?’ I asked.

‘Yeah I suppose. It depends what sport though,’ Carm replied, looking around my room.

‘Well what do you like?’

‘Formula One is pretty epic,’ she said.

I laughed, ‘How can it be epic? There’s just a bunch of cars going around in a circle.’

‘But that’s what I love, there’s something about it, there’s a true skill to being able to do it and yeah it may not be entertaining to watch sometimes but I find it relaxing watching them do that,’ she explained.

‘Have you watched the last race?’ I asked, going towards my bedside table for the TV remote.

‘No, I haven’t watched Moscow yet, I’ve had a lot on,’ Carm replied.

‘Then we shall watch it but I’m going to spice things up a little bit,’ I announced.

‘How?’

‘We bet on who’s going to win and whoever guesses correctly has to choose a stipulation as to what we do next,’ I explained.

‘But I have an unfair advantage on you as I watch this all the time,’ Carm reminded me.

‘Then you’ll just get to choose what you’re going to do with me,’ I winked and Carm blushed.

‘Ok,’ she whispered.

‘Have you had anything to eat?’ I ask realising how hungry I am.

‘Not for a few hours,’ she replied as she slumped down onto the bed and kicked off her shoes with grace.

‘Perfect, I know exactly what to make,’ I grinned as I ran downstairs and brought two fondue sets upstairs. I watched Carms’ reaction as I set them up, slight confusion but part intrigue. I ran back downstairs and brought the food up that I’d need for the first set. Cheddar, french bread, soft pretzels, carrots and a knife. Then ran downstairs for the second set of foods. Chocolate, strawberries, biscuits and Oreos that I’d crush when we got onto the dessert part of the night.

I had begun to set up the cheese fondue as Carm was trying to find the Moscow F1 catch-up.

‘So who do you bet will win?’ I asked.

‘Nico Rosberg. Hands down. He’s been fastest all weekend, there’s no way he’ll lose it now,’ Carm replied excitedly. She’d been very happy when I brought up cheese and chocolate so I assumed she loved both.

‘Then I’ll say Lewis will win, he’s been dominant this season, I doubt he’ll let Rosberg surpass him.’

We sat down to watch the F1 as we got started on the fondues. Watching Carmilla try to not drip cheese all down herself was hilarious and then the worst thing could have happened for Carm. Nico Rosberg retired! She was at my mercy and she knew it, unless something bad happened to Lewis, he was going to win this race.

She seemed rather nervous so I decided to bring the fondue table in front of us and I decided to make it slightly more romantic. I picked up a carrot and dipped it into the cheese then placed it in Carm’s mouth. She looked at me and smiled, leaning down to get a piece of French bread and doing the same to me. We continued this throughout the night, the process of feeding one another which was even more fun when we came to having dessert. I accidentally missed Carm’s mouth and chocolate started dribbling down her chin but I was on hand with a napkin like all good superheroes are and was cleaning her up before she could even complain that I’d gotten her messy and sticky.

The night so far had been entertaining and Carm was definitely a lot more relaxed. I’d completely forgotten about my previous phone call to Danny and was interested in figuring out what I wanted to do next as it was my choice for winning the bet and then I knew exactly what I wanted to do. The most sexiest board game ever! Twister.

I rummaged through my closet and found it. Carm didn’t look too impressed.

‘A board game? On a date? Isn’t the reason they’re called board games because you only play them when you’re bored?’ She’d asked when I was on my hunt for the game I knew I was going to enjoy.

I set it up and offered to go first, after all, I was feeling adventurous.

Right hand on blue, not hard.

Carmilla spun, left foot on green. Easy for her too.

My turn, left hand on blue. Also easy.

Carmilla, right foot on green. So she just stood there on the mat looking like an idiot whilst I was down on my hands and knees in front of her. It was already getting intense and the heat in the room was radiating.

My turn, left foot on red. I made it. Not hard.

Carm’s, left hand on red. Also not hard.

Mine. Right foot on yellow. This would be interesting. I picked my foot up and placed it on the yellow, of course I really should have had my stomach pointing down but I’d made it really difficult for myself by facing up to the ceiling. I never did anything the easy way, that’s for sure. Carm was just about to spin the wheel again when I lost my footing and fell over. Carmilla chuckled but I wasn’t going to let it get the better of me.

‘Best of 5?’ I asked and she nodded, obviously starting to enjoy what we were doing.

My spin. Left hand yellow.

Carm’s. Left hand green.

Mine. Right foot blue.

Carmilla. Left hand blue. That was so unfair! She got another left hand straight away!

Mine. Right hand red.

Carmilla. Right foot yellow.

Then I remembered one of the strategies of the game. Try and occupy your opponent's space so they have to go over or under you. Oh yes please!

I don’t remember what order we got it to but I was facing diagonally. Left hand on the red, right hand on the blue, left foot on the yellow and right foot on the green with Carm having her left foot on the blue and right foot on the red. She spun a right hand on yellow but it was impossible for her to do so without reaching over the top of me. She sighed and bridged backwards over me placing her hand on the yellow dot just past my leg but before I could spin, she fell, the pressure of putting all her weight through one hand stopping her from staying upwards and she landed on top of me. I rolled onto my back as she landed on her butt by my stomach. We were both in fits of giggles and laughing very hard. We stared into one another's eyes for a couple of seconds as we searched each other’s souls. I prayed that she’d lean down and kiss me but she didn’t and got up nervously. There was definitely more than meets the eye with her and I was really beginning to not trust her.

‘So what now? I lost so I assume you’re in control again.’

‘What do you want to do? You’re still nervous and on edge, what will calm you down? Carm, I want to kiss you but you’re making that pretty impossible when you’re not responding back.’

‘I’m sorry I’m just really nervous,’ she frowned resulting in her forehead creasing, ‘Do you have a video game console up here?’

‘I have 2 Playstations,’ I revealed.

‘Can we play some video games?’

I nodded. This woman was full of surprises and I was excited to learn more because what type of person wanted to play video games on their first date? This was so relaxing even though Carm seemed to be nervous as hell! All my previous first dates (Not that there were many) had consisted of lavish restaurants and food that was expensive but tasted awful and paparazzi taking loads of pictures. This just felt like I was a normal human being and I liked it.

I lead Carmilla to the wardrobe furthest away from the door and slid it across to reveal a shelf of games. Her eyes lit up as she began to search for a game she wanted to play with me.

‘Is there anything you’d prefer to play?’ Carmilla asked me as she scanned through the stacks on the shelves like a kid in a candy shop, ‘You know we can play a Sonic game or something if you want?’

‘I’ll play whatever you want,’ I replied still admiring the way her fingers touched each game delicately as though she were an avid book reader in a library.

‘I have a feeling we won’t be into playing the same games,’ she chuckled.

‘Any game that is in there is a game I love, that’s why they’re up here and not downstairs,’ I defended.

She turned to me and smiled the most genuine smile I’ve seen from her.

‘You know my respect for you just grew?’ Carm beamed. ‘You’re my type of girl Laura. The type of girl that knows exactly what I like and exactly how to get to my heart simply because of this.’

She held a game out and I read the label ‘Saints Row IV’ and I grinned back. Carm was going to be so shocked when she saw me play, I mean how can I not enjoy pretending to be in a gang? Isn’t the saying that we enjoy doing things that we know we could never do. Like have you looked at me? I could never be in a gang.

‘I love this game,’ I smiled.

‘So do I, it takes me back to my roots,’ Carm smiled.

‘What do you mean?’ I asked as I took the disc out of the case and put it in the Playstation before finding the other disc to put it into my second console that was linked to the TV in the cupboard.

‘I’m sure my family were gypsies and hardened criminals,’ she winked.

I wasn’t sure about the gypsies, but the criminal bit I could see, her Mum was a criminal and she was too. Wait, I was going to play this game with a murderer? Was this wise? Wait, why was I doing any of this? She was trying to kill me and I couldn’t just let my lubido get the better of me. Being frank and honest, I really wanted her, I wanted to do things in that room with her and only her and I’d never dream of doing them with anyone else, especially with my Dad being just down the hall but this was taking it too far. I enjoyed the thrill I got from doing undercover journalism work like at Silas but spending time with a murderer just for one night of wild and passionate love making before she was arrested and put in prison for life was definitely too much of a risk even though the thrill of this all was definitely there.

I turned to look at her and she was sprawled over my bed with the controller in one hand and the other resting on the sheets where I would be joining her. She was eyeing me up and down with a small smile of admiration and I’m sure I blushed. Maybe I was wrong about all of this? She couldn’t be a murderer. I just wish I could make up my mind. No she’s not a killer or at least she’s not going to harm me.

‘I love how you went to the extremes to ensure you could co-op in your room with someone. That’s always been my problem with the game, it’s never allowed for you to play on the same console,’ Carm replied as I walked around to my side of the bed.

I sat next to her and began to set the game up to play in multiplayer mode. Carm was visibly excited as she sat up and crossed her legs but her knees kept moving up and down quickly. She was adorable.

We sat through the intro and Carm’s knees got more and more animated and the final line of the opening scene rung in my head, ‘For it’s one thing to be revered as a hero, it is another to be a hero.’ Now I finally understood what that meant. People said I was a hero for freeing Silas of the Dean but I wasn’t a hero, because I was falling for her daughter and the prime suspect in a murder case.

We began to kill terrorists. Writing those words on here just doesn’t feel right especially knowing that Carm was the main suspect for murder and in causing terror so that made her some mild form of a terrorist right? Especially because she blew up a building. Well… That’s if she was guilty which I’m sure she wasn’t.

We were perfectly in sync with shooting and never seemed to leave one another’s side in the game. Our backs would always be facing one another when scanning the room or we’d take cover behind the exact same box. It was like we were on the same wave length and knew exactly what the other was going to do and how to keep each other safe.

The first section complete and I heard the buzzing of my phone. Whilst we were having all the achievements unlocked, I decided to check it. You never know it might be business or personal or… Danny.

Laura! What’s happened to you? You said you’d text.

I quickly replied back. Carm wasn’t a killer, there was no need for her to be here.

Sorry, I’m just having fun, she’s really good company.

Before I could even put my phone down properly, the buzzing began again.

Good company? Laura she’s a murderer!

How was I going to say this?

SHE’S NOT A MURDERER!

A few moments and the buzzing occurred again.

Laura, no matter what she’s said to you she killed that man and wants to kill you. The police are nearly here, I hope you left the door unlocked.

NO!

Danny, Carm didn’t kill anyone I promise. Just tell the police to go home, it was all a big misunderstanding. She’s innocent.

And with that I turned my phone off, hoping that the problem would go away if I didn’t have any contact with her.

‘Things ok cupcake?’ Carm asked quietly and caringly.

‘Yeah, things are fine,’ I said as I threw myself onto the mattress angrily.

‘You don’t seem fine. Do you want to talk?’ She lay down next to me and propped herself up on her elbow so she was looking at me.

‘No, it’s ok.’

I looked over to her and she placed her hand on my cheek. Her touch was so soft and gentle that it made my heart skip a beat and the butterflies come back to life. The blood was pounding in my eardrums as I knew this was it. I was going to kiss her.

I sat up, keeping my eyes locked on hers at all times as though trying to tell her what I was going to do and I debated going for it there and then but I felt like if I just went for the kiss, that would be it but if I waited, I could make it evidently clear that I wanted more than a kiss. I got onto my knees and positioned myself so that I was straddling her waist and she responded by placing her hands on my lower back. I took in her image, this was the last time I’d be able to look at her without remembering what we were going to be getting up to. It was the picture perfect moment. Her eyes were full of lust and fire and that just turned me on even more. I didn’t know what I was doing but it felt natural, it felt right, it felt like I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. I stared at where the neck of her shirt disappeared to reveal her flesh and I slowly let my finger wander over where her jugular vein would be. This kept her alive, gave her the beauty of a Goddess and kept the heart of the one I was beginning to fall for beating like a drum.

I stored this image away in my head and would never forget it. Nor would I forget her hands that were resting calmly on the bottom of my back but displayed a sense of urgency and need to them by slowly but surely pulling at the bottom of my shirt.

I leaned in to give us both what we wanted, to have our lips on each other. I needed this. I needed her.

BANG!

Someone was grabbing me from behind and pulling me off of her and a swarm of people entered the room, most of them towards Carmilla. I was still high on the dopamine in my system from our near encounter that I momentarily couldn’t figure out what was happening until I heard the screaming of Carm.

‘Let go of me! Get the fuck off me!’

‘Carm?’ I whispered as I too struggled with the fleshy bonds grabbing my arms from the back.

‘Laura! Don’t hurt Laura!’ Carm began to scream with worry.

‘Carm!’ I cried.

‘Laura, it’s ok. It’s just me,’ Danny whispered from behind.

‘Danny! Let me go!’ I cried and then I started to remember who was grabbing Carm. It was Sergeant Straka and Sergeant Callis, ‘No! Let her go! She didn’t do anything! She’s innocent!’

‘No. She killed that man and she’s going to kill you,’ Danny growled.

‘No! She’s not going to kill me,’ I cried, tears started to fall down my face.

The two sergeants had Carm pressed up against the wall and were handcuffing her in a vicious manner that she was wincing in pain as they almost tore her arms off.

‘Laura,’ she whispered. She tried to fight again but the fight had all gone, ‘Laura.’

‘Carm!’ I tried to run forwards but Danny stopped me. I had to get out of her grip. I struggled and struggled but Danny’s arms were like vices, not moving even though I was putting all my strength into it. I decided to kick back at her and I think I kicked her in the shin because she was unbelievably tall that kicking her in the thigh would have been impossible.

‘Ow! Laura? What has she done to you? She’s not innocent. They found her lighter near the blast site. She’s a killer,’ Danny explained.

I stopped struggling. What?

‘No, I didn’t do it, I didn’t harm anyone,’ Carm cried as she still tried to fight off the two officers.

‘You’re going to be put away for life and I’m looking forwards to being the reason that they throw away the key,’ Sergeant Straka growled loudly in her ear. Carm winced at how loud he spoke and I wanted to help but she was guilty wasn’t she?

‘Come on, let’s get you to the station,’ Sergeant Callis said as she tugged hard on one of the arms that was placed behind her back.

They began to move forwards and started to move past me but Carm did all she could to stop them moving as she stood in front of me.

‘You have to believe me, I didn’t do it. I couldn’t hurt you,’ she said. It was so sincere and her eyes showed the same sincerity. She was telling the truth. But her lighter? I believed she could never hurt me. I had to but I just didn’t know anymore. What was going on? Who was she? Why was she being found with all this evidence to her name if she was really completely innocent?

‘Nice work,’ Sergeant Straka nodded to me, ‘You definitely are the daughter of a police officer. Thanks for helping us catch her.’

And that’s when Carm’s face dropped and rage took over the sincerity she had previously shown.

‘You betrayed me,’ she whispered, ‘You are a selfish, callow girl. And I am the fool who trusted you-’

‘Carm, I’m so sorry- I’m so, so sorry-’

‘No,’ she said, ‘No you’re not.’

The two officers began to drag Carmilla out of my room but this time she wasn’t fighting because she had nothing left to fight for. Seeing her so helpless gave me the courage and strength inside of me to fight off the Amazonian that was Danny and began to ran out of the room and down the stairs.

‘CARM!’

She looked back at me before screaming, ‘STAY AWAY FROM ME! I WILL KILL-’

‘She just admitted it!’ Sergeant Callis exclaimed.

‘You just admitted you’re going to kill her, there is no way in hell that you’re getting out. I hope you enjoy spending your life in a 6 by 6 cell with nothing. I can’t wait to see you rot,’ Sergeant Straka chuckled with an evil laugh.

And with that they pulled her down the stairs, so much so that she would have fallen if she didn’t have cat like reflexes before dragging her out of the door.

This time, she was gone. But I knew 100% that she’d never come back because she was guilty. She was a murderer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dum dum durrrrrr! Hollstein fluff ended! Let the Hollstein angst begin! Muahahahaha!


	11. Lauronica Mars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carm? I'm so sorry. Please forgive me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a week late :( Sorry, work and shows have just got in the way everytime I've tried to write. But it's here now!

It’s been a week. One long week. Probably the longest week ever. I’d question whether I was a timelord and had been reliving every second ten times over or if there was a time paradox or something like that. But I couldn’t function properly and couldn’t find the geeky humour part of my brain that I relied on in times like this. It had flown away with the girl who had also stolen my heart and hated me. I have no idea what happened in that week. I don’t know if I left my bed or not. All I remember is the jacket being torn away from me by my Dad because it was ‘evidence’ and I cried for hours, until my tear ducts gave up on me and were replaced by sobbing until my voice box refused to sound any longer resulting in my silent weeping until I must have passed out from exhaustion.

Another thing that my week had consisted of was calling Carm’s cell phone all the time. I knew she wouldn’t pick up because she was in prison but I’d discovered that she’d recorded her own voicemail message. I’d call her around 100 times a day just to hear her voice.

‘Carmilla. I’m not around. Leave your name, number and why the hell I should call you back in a message after the beep and I’ll get back to you if I want to.’

I would hang up before the beep most of the time but I know I left her a few messages explaining how sorry I was and that I didn’t plan for any of what happened to happen. I really liked her. I wanted us to make up. I had to. And maybe after that we could make out? That’s what I wanted after all. But I know now that I wanted more than to just make out. I wanted her. Even though she was guilty of killing someone.

I had to find a way of getting her back. What could I do?

There was a quiet knock on my door.

‘Yes?’ I asked with a bitterness in my voice that was now my natural tone that I’d adapted to over the past week.

The door opened and my Dad stood there with some food.

‘It’s dinner time,’ he spoke as he looked around the room, ‘Thought I’d bring you some food up.’

I hadn’t eaten much over the past few days but if I was going to get Carm back, I had to have some brain food. I don’t know how it didn’t turn to mush.

‘What is it?’ I asked with the same bitter tone.

‘It’s pasta with a bunch of roasted veggies. Sorry, it’s the most I could do. You know I’m not the biggest cook in the world,’ he said and I sat staring at him in silence as I momentarily forgot how to speak so he continued on, ‘I mean, I can leave it on the floor or bring it over to your bed so you can eat it when you want? It’s got some squash, some zucchini, carrots, bell peppers, tomatoes, green beans and asparagus.’

‘Bit OTT,’ I tried to crack a smile.

‘What?’ Dad asked with shock when he saw I attempted to smile.

‘That’s a lot of vegetables,’ I answered.

He smiled, ‘I know how much you like them. Other than sweet things.’

‘Do you want to join me?’ I asked.

He brought the dish over to me and it was huge. There was food for around 5 people but I wasn’t going to complain. I needed all the food I could eat to figure out how to get Carm back.

We sat and ate in silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable, or at least for me it wasn’t. I enjoyed the food and as soon as it touched my mouth I realised how hungry I really was.

We ate the whole dish between us and I thought I was going to explode from food like a Slitheen! And it instantly gave me an idea. Not the Slitheen part but the energy the food gave me.

‘Dad? Are they allowing visitors to see Carm?’ I asked.

‘No. She’s a murderer, why would they be allowing visitors?’

‘What happened to innocent until proven guilty?’

‘I think there’s too much evidence to say that she’s guilty. The only thing we’re missing is her confession.’

He was right. There was a lot of evidence which suggested she had committed the crimes but I still believed that she wouldn’t hurt me.

‘I just really feel like if I got the chance to see her that I’d be able to move on you know? I just can’t do it without seeing her and telling her that I believe she wasn’t lying when she said she wasn’t going to hurt me.’

‘Laura, it can’t be done,’ he ended.

‘But I’m not able to get out of bed without a reason to. There’s no reason for me to do anything anymore. I know that if I can see her then I have a reason to get out of bed. It took me a week to eat and that’s simply because my brain told me I had to have some food.’

Dad looked torn. He wanted what was best for me but legally he knew that I couldn’t have it and also didn’t want to risk hurting me. He believed that Carm was capable of hurting me but I knew she couldn’t. He hadn’t seen her smile when she was too afraid to kiss me because she was nervous and didn’t want to mess up. Surely if you don’t care about hurting someone then you’re not going to care if you mess up kissing them! He didn’t know her like I did!

‘Laura, it simply can’t be done,’ he reiterated.

I sank back down into my bed and turned my body away from him. I waited until I heard the click of the door close before I got out of bed and opened up my laptop. I was going to try and find a way to tell Carmilla that I knew she was innocent.

*

‘WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT I CAN’T SEE HER!?’ I yelled down the phone angrily at the police officer at the other end of the phone.

‘Miss Hollis, please calm down or I’m going to have to hang up. You are unable to see Miss Karnstein as she is remanded without bail. Until trial she is unable to see anyone,’ they explained.

‘But because I can’t tell her that she’s innocent then she’ll be found guilty and she’ll never see me because you’ll detain her in some high security cell where she’ll only get 1 hour of daylight,’ I cried.

‘Miss Hollis. If you have some more information, I suggest you come down to the station and provide a statement. Other than that, there is nothing that I can do. If that is all, there are other people waiting to get through so goodbye Miss Hollis.’

And before I could say another word, the officer hung up on me. I was disgusted. They were more concerned about putting a name and face to the crime instead of caring if they were the right person first. They’d rather hang her and then investigate rather than find the right person before giving a sentence.

I was at a loss. What else could I do? The police didn’t care, my father was under the assumption that I was just a lovesick child but Carm saved me. I know she did and she was going to be ruined for doing the right thing. Why did bad things always happen to good people?

I couldn’t just move on with my life, not when a killer was out there and letting Carm take the blame for their crimes. Someone who was so selfish and allowed them to blame a poor innocent woman. No. They couldn’t let her take the fall. But how was I going to do it?

Then I realised, the question shouldn’t be ‘What would Buffy do?’ It should rather be ‘What would Lois Lane do?’

I got out my phone and punched in Danny’s number and let it ring for a bit. She picked up sounding slightly breathless and I wondered if she’d been running.

‘Hey Laura,’ she panted.

‘Hey Danny. Bad time?’

‘Not when it’s you. What’s up?’

‘I just wondered if you maybe wanted to go out for a drink or something?’

‘A drink?’ Danny asked sounding slightly caught off guard. ‘Errm, yeah. When? Where?’

‘Well it’s Tuesday, how about we meet up at Kulturhauskeller and have one of their stone oven pizzas? Tuesday is the best day to head out there,’ I smiled.

‘Sure, let’s do it,’ she said quickly as though fearing I’d change my mind.

‘Ok, 9:30pm ok?’ I asked.

‘In 2 hours, yeah sure. I can be there. I’ll see you. Looking forwards to it.’

‘Ok, bye Danny,’ I replied before hanging up the phone. Yes, I would do everything I could to find out more information about Carmilla’s history, maybe then I could find out perfectly reasonable explanations for all of this. Carmilla was innocent.

*

I arrived at 9. Yeah I was half an hour early but I was so desperate for information, I didn’t really care that I was out and looked like a mess. I wore a pair of blue baggy joggers and a chocolate coloured tank top - Well it was more coffee coloured but I like to think of it as chocolate. I knew I was underdressed but if a paparazzi walked by and took a photo and my image got worse then that’s fine, that’s the least of my problems. To be fair though, I looked that underdressed, would a paparazzi even recognise me without all my make-up and hair done? Probably not.

Thankfully I hadn’t come any earlier as I saw the queue waiting to go in and I remembered that it only opened at 9. This was one of my favourite places to go as a student. I didn’t really do the ‘student’ things and go out drinking with friends and turn up to classes hungover. I did it once and vowed to never do it again. Honestly, I much prefered grape soda to liquor, spirits or wine and was rather happy that I didn’t feel the need to go out every weekend to have fun.

As the name suggests, it’s an underground bar, commonly known as ‘The Cult’ by the locals. God knows why but it was close to Silas Uni and with all the creep shit that had happened there, I wouldn’t be surprised if the place had once been occupied by most of the Silas students. Maybe Carmilla came here? A place called ‘The Cult’ sounds like a place she’d hang out. But I loved this place even though I got ID’d all the time. It’s not my fault that I’m small and look under 18, at least I’ll look 20 when I’m 30!

Tuesday had always been the best nights to attend. Monday was full of students who’d had a bad first day back after the weekend, Wednesday was karaoke night and Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday was full of students who weren’t in Uni the next day so Tuesday was always quieter and I prefered it. Plus a pizza for €3 like what more could I ask for?

I sat down at the bar and made small talk with the bartender. He was a tall man with incredibly short hair that it was almost a stubble but he was unbelievably friendly. I ordered a soda when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I excitedly turned around, thinking it was Carm but it was Danny.

She was stunning. Not overly dressed thankfully but still stunning. She wore orange jeans which would seem out of place if they weren’t on her incredibly long and slim legs and a blue-grey cowl neck shirt which revealed the start of her cleavage. She was stunning. Not Carmilla stunning but still definitely attractive.

‘Hey,’ she said as she sat down to my right.

‘Hi,’ I replied. My voice broke slightly in a bit of a high pitch squeal which usually only happened when I was nervous around someone like I had been with Carmilla but I was probably just nervous because of what I was asking about.

‘Have you ordered anything yet?’

‘Just a soda,’ I replied as Tim the bartender placed it in front of me.

‘Can I have the same?’ Danny asked him and he gave a brief nod, ‘I haven’t been here since my Uni days.’

‘You used to come here for Uni? So did I,’ I said.

‘Yeah. I usually came with the Summer Society on a Friday and Saturday night if we weren’t preparing something for the next day. Maybe we met,’ she laughed as Tim placed a glass of soda in front of her.

‘I never came on weekends, it was never really my scene. I just used to treat myself on a Tuesday to a pizza here. Have you ever had one from here before?’

‘Years ago when I was drunk. I’ve never had one sober,’ she grinned.

And with that we ordered 2 pizzas.

Like normal they were delicious and we exchanged in general chit chat over the food but I was distant and not paying too much attention as I was trying to figure out how I was going to get the information I needed. Danny was talking about her work and all the interesting things she’d done or was getting the opportunity to do. Apparently she was going to get a chance to go to Rio in 2016 for the Olympics to report to Austria and she seemed to be genuinely excited so didn’t need much to continue talking about it.

When the conversation died down I decided to make my move, unsure on where I was going but I knew I had to go somewhere.

‘So how did you get into doing all of this? Was it because of what you studied at Uni?’

‘Not really. I did a lot of sport through the Summer Society but I didn’t get into journalism through that. I just fell into it. I found myself knowledgeable in many sports and used to do write ups of various games when I was in Uni to earn money and it just expanded from there.’

‘So what did you do at Uni?’

‘I studied English Literature. I love it. I was even a TA in my third year,’ she smiled.

‘I studied English Lit too!’ I exclaimed, ‘What sort of stuff did you study?’

‘Just the usual. I did a lot of Shakespeare, what about you?’

‘I did a lot on Kipling, he wrote some very broody things. ‘Black as the pit, terrible as a demon was Bagheera.’’

Then I noticed Danny had seized up. But before I could say anything, ‘You like that stuff?’

‘Are you ok?’

‘I’m fine. I just haven’t heard that since Uni.’

‘I didn’t mean to upset you,’ I replied genuinely.

‘It’s something Carmilla’s victims used to say,’ Danny spoke as though I wasn’t there.

‘Victims?’ I croaked.

‘Before she killed them for her mother. You know how all the girls went missing? They went missing because Carmilla lured them for her Mother to kill but we all know Carmilla killed when she wanted to. The Summer Society and I used to interrupt her before she killed the girls and when we’d get to their sides they would die from shock or would be driven insane, repeating those words as though the last thing they’d seen was Bagheera.’

The blood in my veins froze. A black panther. The last thing the girls had seen was a black panther. But I’d seen a black panther and I wasn’t dead. In fact the black panther had saved me. The black panther was Carm. Was she an animagus or was it a trick of the mind? But Carm was innocent. She’d saved me when she should have killed me and now she was being punished and accused of trying to harm me.

Danny’s phone buzzed and she picked it up.

‘LaF is awake. I need to go,’ she mumbled as she grabbed her bag to leave.

‘That’s great. Can I come with you?’ I asked before realising what I was saying.

‘Sure, we’ll take my car.’

LaF was awake. Could they clear Carmilla’s name? I sincerely hoped so.

*

We rushed into the room where Perry and LaF were. LaF was sitting upright in their bed with a comedic bandage wrapped around their head. They looked like a mad scientist who was being patched up for some crazy experiment they’d done and if I wasn’t so intent on clearing Carm’s name, I would have mentioned it or at least had a bit of a chuckle to myself.

Both of them looked startled as we entered loudly in a barging in manner.

‘Danny,’ Perry smiled and she examined me for a while, ‘Laura?’

I nodded and she smiled in recognition.

‘How are you LaF?’ Danny asked.

‘I’m good. Sorry, but who are the two of you?’

‘This is Danny, she pulled you out. This is Laura, she was there with her…’ Perry suddenly trailed off and looked over at me with an evil glare, ‘You brought Carmilla along. You almost killed her! I mean them!’

‘I… Errrm… I didn’t… Carm is…’ I stuttered, unsure of what to say.

‘Woah! Perr! What do you mean Laura almost killed me?’ LaFontaine asked intrigued.

‘She brought Carmilla along who wasn’t welcome or on the guest list. Carmilla set fire to the place and almost killed you. Don’t deny it Laura, I heard it all over the news and…’

‘Carmilla didn’t start the fire.’ I was shocked. I didn’t remember saying it. It’s strange because it didn’t sound like me either but it had to be me. I was the only one who thought Carm was innocent. Then it struck me. I hadn’t said it. LaFontaine had.

‘What?’ Perry asked sharply as though she couldn’t believe her ears. Her head shot back to LaFontaine when previously it had been angled at me.

‘Carmilla. I remember her. The host and I were chatting, we were both really interested in the effects of blood on the human body and different cells that could change the molecular structure of the blood itself. All the mutations and…’ They stopped, realising that no one understood, ‘Anyway. The host was very intrigued by the effects of tobacco on the blood and asked for me to run some tests so he asked someone for a lighter and a cigarette. I specifically remember Carmilla. She had lighters but no cigarettes. She liked fire but didn’t smoke and she gave him her lighter, asking for it back at the end of the night. She said her name and who she was with which was Laura. We found a cigarette from another guest and we moved inside so I could take his blood sample after he’d smoked the cigarette. He lit it and then all I can remember was a big bang and a bright light. Then I woke up here.’

Carm was innocent. Carm was innocent. Carm was innocent. SHE WAS FUCKING INNOCENT.

‘Are you sure?’ Danny asked sounding nervous.

‘100% sure,’ LaF replied, ‘I’ve been knocked out a few times from my experiments but I’ve learned to remember everything I did beforehand so I knew not to do it again.’

‘You need to tell the Police,’ Perry responded.

The rest was a blur. I don’t even think I said goodbye to the three individuals in the room. I just beelined for the door and left in the direction of the exit. I had to be there when she got out. She was innocent and she was going to be a part of my life.

I ran out of the hospital and began to feel the cold night air stabbing my cheeks painfully as I sucked it in to help keep me alive whilst I pushed for the station. It was miles away but I didn’t care. I was going to get there. My ears were pounding with the sound of blood rushing through them, half out of nerves and half out of excitement. A new life but the last time I’d seen her, she was telling me to stay away from her. I just couldn’t. I love her. I mean LIKE her. I REALLY like her. My vision became blurred as I saw water in my eyes which I assumed were tears that wanted to run like I was. Gravity was attempting to claim them. But I fought them back as I looked up to prevent them from being visible. The whole ‘You can’t see me if I can’t see you’ gag but below me I could see the blurry ground, the tears beginning to flood my eyes so that it looked like I was running through water. I don’t know how I kept running or how I managed to get there without feeling the searing stitch in my side or the burning of my lungs. I was still sick and still suffering from the breathlessness of smoke inhalation but I continued on and powered through the pain. It was probably the adrenaline inside me that made me push, I knew I had to see Carm. I had to tell her that I’d done all I could to get her out of jail.

Then I stopped, I was outside the station that was lit up and still open. Carm was in there, locked in a cell and I began to feel the trickle of sweat that had beaded on my forehead, come down to attempt to obscure my vision. My eyes stung from a combination of tears and sweat and my lungs burned just as bad as I realised I had to coil over to help breathe or I’d pass out. I wheezed and coughed but knew that only half of my job was done. The night would only be over when Carm was free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next 3 chapters are my favourites, but is it because of angst or because of fluff? You're just going to have to wait to find out.


	12. The Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CARM!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know! I know! It's been nearly a month! Work has been crazy and I've barely had time to sit down and do anything I've wanted to do :( I've also got my PT exams this weekend. But I've been craving writing this for so long so I decided to make time for it. I'm sorry it's so late but here's the next chapter.

‘Woah! Wait! What?’ I asked, half exclaiming and half questioning.

‘She’s not here, Miss Hollis,’ the officer said who was sat behind the desk looking prim and proper.

‘What do you mean she’s not here?’

‘She was remanded in custody. That means that she’s not in the Police holding cells but is rather in a prison,’ the officer replied.

‘She’s in prison?’ I asked quietly. Once you go into prison, you lose a part of you and you never come out the same person as when you went in. Please say Carm wouldn’t be damaged.

‘Yes, although they are releasing her in the morning as they have no reason to hold her any further. We spoke to Susan LaFontaine and she is adamant that it was an accident.’

‘They,’ I said.

‘Excuse me?’

‘They. LaFontaine prefers they/them/their pronouns,’ I replied.

‘They provided us with no reason to doubt that Miss Karnstein is innocent,’ the officer continued.

‘Is there any way of contacting her?’ I asked.

‘No, Miss Karnstein’s details are to be kept confidential. I’m sorry Miss Hollis but you’ll have to find your own way to speak to her. She should be out by the morning.’

With that I decided to leave. I had Carm’s number and I’d call in the morning, hoping she’d pick up and if she didn’t then I’d try again and again until I got through to her. I walked home figuring out what I’d say on the phone because ‘I’m sorry’ just didn’t seem good enough.

*

‘Carmilla. I’m not around. Leave your name, number and why the hell I should call you back in a message after the beep and I’ll get back to you if I want to.’

Hang up.

It’s morning, she’s supposed to be out. I haven’t slept since I was told she wasn’t at the police station and that they were releasing her because she was innocent. All I’ve done is call her number. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard her voicemail message but as long as I could get through at some point, I suppose it didn’t matter what type of phone bill I racked up. She was worth it.

Redial. 4 rings later.

‘Carmilla. I’m not around. Leave your name, number and why the hell I should call you back in a message after the beep and I’ll get back to you if I want to.’

Hang up. Redial. 4 rings later.

‘Carmilla. I’m not around. Leave your name, number and why the hell I should call you back in a message after the beep and I’ll get back to you if I want to.’

Oh fuck this, I need to say something and I listened for the beep.

‘Hi,’ I said quietly, ‘I was told you’d be out this morning. I’m so glad. I hope you’re ok. I was told that being in prison changes you and I don’t want you to change, I like you for who you are. Like, I know I barely know you but… I’m sorry, I’m rambling. Please call me back. I really want to talk to you. I always knew you were innocent.’

I hung up and let the tears cascade down my face. Why was this so hard. It was like Romeo and Juliet, everyone else and everything got in our way. Why couldn’t I just have a normal relationship? They existed right? You meet someone in a bar and you have a drink with them, then you meet up again for coffee, then you have a date in a restaurant or at the movies, you kiss, you have a few more dates, you go back to their house and have sex, you go for more dates, you get engaged, you get married, you have kids, you… Ok, so I’m getting ahead of myself. I’m fully aware that isn’t what happens in every relationship but surely a relationship does not consist of having a fire happen on your first date and then your date is accused of starting it and killing someone in the process. Why can’t things be simple?

There was a knock on my door and I looked up to see my Dad standing in the doorway with a concerned look on his face.

‘Want to talk pumpkin?’

‘No, I just want to be left alone,’ I sniffled.

He nodded and left. He’d decided not to leave since the incident and was on some form of compassionate leave. I wasn’t really too sure as I hadn’t picked up on much that he’d said, I’d been a bit preoccupied. In a way, I was thankful that I could just wallow and not have to worry about anything other than trying to heal and ‘get over’ Carmilla.

I picked up the phone again and decided to redial. Was this what normal people did? Call the person they love… I mean really like when they split up?

4 rings.

‘Carmilla.’ I heard her voice from the end of the phone and waited for the rest of the message to be relayed to me. I’d memorised it off by heart by now, every pause, every breath she took, every syllable. But the rest didn’t come. I pulled my phone away from my head to see if I’d been disconnected but instead I saw the seconds of how long I’d been on the phone continue to go upwards.

‘Carm? Wait, is that you?’

‘You did call my number,’ she snarked.

‘I didn’t think you’d pick up,’ I replied.

‘I don’t want to but I’ve got 121 missed calls from you in the past hour and hearing my phone go off that much is really started to piss me off.’

‘Oh. I knew you’d be out today and I knew you were innocent and I left you a message explaining it and…’

‘I listened to your message, creampuff.’

‘You did!?’ I squeaked, ‘I mean, you did?’ I tried again, attempting to compose my voice.

I tried to sense a smile from the other end of the phone but there was none so realised I needed to continue, I needed to say something else before I lost her.

‘I know you’re furious. I know that what I did was a betrayal, and maybe unforgivable, and that you’re probably going to have to hate me for as long as I’m alive, which really isn’t seeming like much of a stretch right now,’ I paused hoping she’d say something but when she didn’t I continued, ‘And I know that you don’t want to listen to anything I have to say so just listen because I won’t stop trying until you listen to me. Please. I need to see you and if at the end of it you want to never see me again then fine. It doesn’t matter that it breaks my heart that you hate me, but please just allow me this one thing so I can walk away knowing that I tried to do all I could to save something I truly believe in. I truly believe that you are a good person and I really want to try and make us work.’

‘Town park. One hour,’ she spoke with nothing but harshness in her voice before she hung up.

I didn’t know how to feel. I was getting what I wanted but I wasn’t getting the response I wanted. I wanted her to forgive me, I needed her to forgive me. I was displaying my heart to her and she was completely ready to crush it with her cold metal grasp. But I suppose I couldn’t ask for her for anymore than to have the chance to apologise in person. Maybe it meant that she wanted to make things work?

I put myself on autopilot to get up and get ready before I left the house. I had to walk. I was in no fit state to drive and I’d get there half an hour early. Instead I would spend the time thinking of exactly what I wanted to say because I didn’t have a clue. How do I tell her that I was sorry for something that apologising won’t fix?

I don’t even remember all the imaginary conversations I went through in my head, although I remember that they all ended badly. I just couldn’t shake this bad feeling that at the end of it, she just wouldn’t care and would rather leave than stay. I’d done one of the worst things to her that any ‘righteous’ person could do. I was responsible for her mother’s death and then I placed her in prison for murdering someone when she was innocent. Everyone had said that she was the villain but she’s done nothing but good. I was the bad guy.

I arrived at the park and walked around it. I didn’t know where she’d be but I was early. If I kept walking then maybe I’d find her. I had to find her. I was once again on autopilot. Walking in big circles, trying to find the woman who I had no idea what to say to.

What happened if she wasn’t going to show up? What if this was a way to get back at me for all the things I’ve done?

My mind was on overdrive and I almost walked past my target because my head was so full. I almost missed the raven-locked woman leaning against the trunk of a large tree. I began to walk across to her, across the grass that was freshly cut. The smell flooded my nostrils as I wanted nothing more than to run over to her and hold her but if I did that I know that she wouldn’t want to be around me and would probably leave.

As I stood facing her, she stared at me with her bold, brown eyes that were glazed over like ice. I couldn’t move or speak, it was as though she’d cast a petrification spell on me. She still made me speechless and I realised this might be the last time I talk with her.

‘What do you want Laura?’

I shuddered. I still couldn’t get over how the way she said my name sent shivers down my spine or made the hairs on my body stand to attention. She was mystical and I really couldn’t let her go.

‘Err… Hey!’ I exclaimed, ‘How are you these days? Are you still all you? All non-Orange Is The New Black-y and...stuff?’

‘So far,’ she said in her low and brooding tone whilst maintaining eye contact.

‘Uh, because, you look great! All furious and brooding and… You’re meeting me by an old tree.’

‘What do you want?’ Carmilla asked. Every syllable stabbed me. Her tone was so harsh and full of hate. I already knew this wasn’t going to end well.

‘You heard what I said. I meant it. I’m sorry. I want to make things work between us,’ I replied.

‘No,’ she whispered.

‘What?’ I knew what ‘no’ meant but she caught me off guard. Completely off guard. This couldn’t be happening.

‘No,’ she took a sharp intake of breath, ‘I won’t do it. Find somebody else to play your game.’

‘What do you mean?’ I asked. I knew exactly what it meant but I had to change her mind.

‘I mean no. Just because I was willing to risk my life to save you from the fire doesn’t mean I’m willing to forgive and forget you for betraying me.’

‘Carm… Why are you doing this to me?’

‘I’m doing this because you hurt me. You believe that I am like my mother.’

‘Because your mother has a long history of murdering and callously discarding people, others begin to question you and sometimes they attempt to convince you but I…’

‘Is that what you think of me?’ Carmilla interrupted.

‘No. I...’ I ran my hands through my hair, ‘Ugh… I always knew you were innocent.’

‘Then why set me up?’

‘I saw blood in your leather jacket and called Danny. She phoned the Police and told me that they were going to arrest you when you showed up. When you came over, I did everything I could to stop them but I couldn’t do anything.’

‘My brother was murdered. I was with him when it happened. The blood is his.’

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t know…’

‘Of course you didn’t know,’ she spat and I was beginning to grow impatient with her tone.

‘Why meet with me if you only wanted to tear me to pieces?’

She looked at me, obviously not expecting to be asked it, ‘Because you wouldn’t get the message otherwise. You’re strong-willed. You get what you want because you’re a journalist. The only way I can make you see that you can’t get what you want because I don’t want it is if I tell you to your face.’

‘But I really want to make things work between us,’ I tried again.

‘You haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said. I don’t want to try again. I don’t want you to contact me ever again. I’m done,’ she said. My vision began to become obscured as the tears flooded my eyes but I saw her begin to walk away.

‘Carm. Please, Carm,’ I weeped as I began to try and fight back the wells of water wanting to escape. But she was gone. An all too familiar sight, but this time, I knew it was the last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't make the wait for the next chapter such a long one, I promise.


	13. Written by Laura Hollis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry Carm :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fell asleep when I got in from work last night so the chapter is a day later than promised :(

_Who knew how badly fame could ruin your life? For those of you who don’t know me and have no idea what I’m talking about. I’m Laura Hollis, the average 25 year old. I like to spend time with friends, dress up for fancy occasions, get a little crazy but I also like the calmer side of life where I can have a night in whilst watching a movie or playing video games. I just happen to be a journalist. That’s my job. But that’s it. It doesn’t define who I am, no more than the label ‘waitress’ or ‘shop worker’ does because if you took me away from my job and put me in a different field then I wouldn’t change as a human being. I would still be the same Laura Hollis who was a journalist just with a different job. I did a report last year on the disappearance of girls at Silas University. I uncovered the sadistic terror that the Dean, Lilita Morgan, had over her students and I got her put behind bars. She never faced trial as she died beforehand but I essentially put her there and now I’m paying the price._

_It’s 9pm on a Thursday night in the first week of December and it’s 6 degrees Celsius outside - That’s 43 degrees Fahrenheit for those readers who use that system. It’s cold. But I’m tucked up in a my nice and warm bed. I’ve got the heating on, the radiators on full blast and most of all, I’ve got my pyjamas on with a big sweater over the top. I’m happy, I’m warm enough to be bare footed but I don’t want to be here. I want to leave my bed, leave my room and feel the cold outside. I’m bedbound due to illness, an illness that everyone has from time to time. It’s worse than the flu, worse than a fever because you know those will go away with medication. Instead I’m sick with something a bottle, blade or dose cannot fix. I’m suffering from heartbreak._

_My personal life has been pretty well documented over these past few months. I fell for someone, I fell hard but didn’t know too much about her, I didn’t realise she was the Dean of Silas University’s daughter. Long story short, people got in the way and tried to control me. They tried to manipulate my way of looking at her. They convinced me that she was a monster and just like her mother so I got her locked up in prison for a murder she did not commit because I didn’t trust my own instincts. I knew that she was innocent. She saved me from the fire but I was told that she had started it to kill me as revenge for her mother. She didn’t. Of course she didn’t._

_She was furious. Absolutely full of hate and I don’t blame her one bit. If it had been the other way around, I’m pretty sure I’d have reacted even worse than the way she reacted with me and I’m thankful that she didn’t drag it out and just cut me out of her life straight away. I didn’t have the ‘Maybe’ stage, it was just a ‘No’ and that was it, there was no way I could change her mind. She got a new number and I couldn’t access her records to find out where she lived because I’ve got morales. She wants her space and to never see me again and I suppose that I have to respect that because not everything is about what I want._

_I betrayed her. I was cruel. I thought I was righteous, I’d put a criminal behind bars so how could I do anything that wasn’t morally right after I’d seen girls brutally murdered by a woman who was selfish and cold-hearted? But if these past few months have taught me anything, it really is that I have no business trying to be righteous. Everything I’ve ever done to uphold what I think is right has caused so much damage. And I don’t want to do that anymore. Because it makes me just like the Dean, the one thing I don’t want to become after I saw all the bad things she was capable of doing. I am so dead set on what I think is right that I’m willing to risk anything or anyone for it._

_I keep playing over in my mind, the things I would say to her if I could have a second chance to say that I’m sorry. I’d want to apologise for what I did but I’d apologise for sacrificing everything she ever knew and ultimately sacrificing herself. I know how poisonous it is to think that way. To try and think of what you would do differently when you’ve ruined everything, but how else am I supposed to feel? Surely I deserve this pain after what I did to her. Karma always comes back around and I just have to accept it. I lost you and there’s nothing I can do to get you back._

_I decided to write this post. I’ve been away for months from the industry, but I need to stop wallowing and I really don’t care what type of response this gets or who reads it. I just have to let it all out, to release it from me before I can come back to work. This is my way of trying to move on and if one person reads it and realises that even though their circumstances are a hell of a lot different than mine, then maybe I can help you through it. At the end of the day, the reason they left is no one’s fault but your own, however you need to recognise it and learn from it. Remember that it’s not your fate to sit and mope forever, even though it seems like the most appealing thing to do._

_So here’s what I believe now: That the best thing that we can do with whatever strength we’re given is to help each other. To be as kind to each other as we can. And right now there are a whole host of people who need our help. Whether it be the homeless, or those without water in Africa, animals who have been abused or whatever. There are people and creatures who need our help and we can provide that to them. And so, it doesn’t matter that it breaks my heart that you hate me, because right now, we can do something. We can stop the damage._

_I’ve made a vow. My vow is to be selfless. My career will focus on those in need and I won’t do it for the money or the recognition but just because they need our help. Whether this is me trying to get rid of the guilt I feel for hurting the one person I saw a future with or because I have humanity, I don’t care because I’ve made a vow._

_I’m sorry for hurting you. I will never forgive myself._

_Laura Hollis_

It was posted. I’d been working on it all week and had just had writer’s block. How could I make this piece of writing into a positive when all I felt was negative? I really had to find myself before I could properly write it. I’d not been a journalist for months, I’d just been a broken hearted woman who lay in bed and refused to get up unless it was to go to the bathroom as my Dad had forced me to have a shower twice a week and it’s not like I could do much when I needed to go.

I slowly shut the lid of my computer. I’d posted it on my blog page where I’d only ever posted the Vlogs of my time at Silas but this was important and it linked to them. I also had to make some form of public statement so people knew what I was doing now as my manager wouldn’t do it. Nope, he left me for someone who ‘actually cared about their career’ and I suppose I’m thankful for it in a strange way. It’s meant I can focus on myself and I can do what I need to do without having anyone else pressure me.

It wasn’t too long before my phone started buzzing. It was a text from Danny, saying she’d read the post. I’d found out that the ‘Murderer’ incident on Carmilla’s shop was actually Danny trying to get Carm to confess to the murders because someone was on to her. It was a horrible thing to do but I understood Danny. She was exactly like me. We both did bad things for the right reasons and that’s why we could never be anything more than friends. You can’t have 2 self-sacrificing people in a relationship together or you will end up getting hurt by one another.

I decided I would check on it in the morning as I left for the bathroom to get myself ready for bed. I got out of my old clothes and had a shower. I got into new pyjamas and changed my bed sheets. I tried to freshen up what I could and went downstairs to make myself some tomato and lentil soup. I’m surprised I even remembered where the saucepans were and how to work the hob after spending 3 months solid in bed.

I sat at the table and nearly scared the crap out of my Dad when he saw me out of bed. I wondered what he was thinking but I was still too drained to ask, it had taken all my strength to get out of bed and eat soup! But the most important thing is that I did. I was out of bed and I was making myself some soup. I was slowly recovering from the heartbreak I’d been sick from and it felt good. I was beginning to feel more like myself. That doesn’t mean that I don’t miss her and don’t want her here but I was ok with what had happened. I’ve accepted it. I know I can’t change things.

I put my bowl in the sink - I didn’t have the energy to wash up - And returned to my room ready for bed. I lay down and switched my light off but there was something in the back of my mind. Something telling me that I needed to check my post. I couldn’t tell you what it was but I couldn’t get the idea out of my head. It was annoying, like a kitten tapping your nose when you closed your eyes to sleep and I knew I had to listen to the thought in my head before I’d be allowed to get some shut eye.

Light flooded the room as I opened my laptop up and I had to jam my finger on the brightness button before I became even more temporarily blinded. As my eyes adapted to the screen and I typed in my password, I refreshed my web page to see there was nothing. There we go, I could go to sleep now. But my mind just wasn’t satisfied. I opened up my e-mail and saw that it had been posted onto various news outlets with catchy titles like ‘Unlocking Laura’s Love Life’ and ‘Laura Hollis butchers career by releasing a guilt ridden love letter to Carmilla Karnstein on her blog’ which in a way I found quite entertaining. No one focused on me wanting to do truly selfless and good things for people, instead it was sole focus on Carmilla and my love life.

I checked my other e-mails and some were from my blog, notifying me of new comments as I’d forgotten to turn the notifications off. I opened up my page to read them all and some were supportive, thanking me for what I was planning on doing and telling me that I could get through heartbreak. Some were trolls asking me how gay I was. Others were completely ignorant who were there to try and make me feel like shit.

But there was one which caught my eye. It was posted by an anonymous user, but I was drawn to it.

‘Alright, ok, just stop all of this before I get queasy. Cupcake, you are ridiculous and headstrong and naïve and this whole Lois Lane Junior gig is doomed, okay? But unless you’re going around and deliberately trying to hurt people then this won’t happen again. You’ll find someone you can love in the same way they love you. Just move on, Creampuff.’

Creampuff. Cupcake. Carmilla.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly have no idea when the next chapter will be up. As it's the final one, I've done some drafts but none of them are right, I suppose nothing I write is good enough for the end chapter. I'm also out of the country for most of next week and a little bit of the week after so I won't be able to write or update unfortunately. If you want to know when the next chapter comes out, subscribe to my work as you'll get an email come through to tell you that it's up. I hope you guys enjoyed an original style of this chapter - One I haven't done since I was in school. Get ready for the last chapter soon!


	14. Finding Private Carm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CARM!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy Creampuffs for the final chapter!

It was her. I just knew it was. She'd called me both of those names and rarely ever called me Laura and it's one of the quirky elements to her that I loved. She'd read my message, she'd told me to move on but I couldn't. Obviously she hadn't either or she wouldn't be messaging me right? I had to do something! But what would I do and how could I do it?

I leapt out of my bed and went downstairs with all need of sleep disappearing from my focal point. How do I find her? She was commenting anonymously so I couldn't message her and tell her. But that couldn't stop me.

I began pacing around my living room, debating my options. The blood pounded in my eardrums flooding my mind with nerves, doubts and excitement. What if ‘cupcake’ and ‘creampuff’ were new nicknames to call people? What if this wasn’t her? But if it wasn’t then it was a pretty big coincidence and as a journalist how am I supposed to believe in coincidences? There’s no such thing. This was Carm.

Could I trace her? I had to trace where the IP address came from. I knew that was a thing that people did, reporters did - a lot, but I had no idea how to do it myself. I’m a freelance journalist, I’m not assigned to a big newspaper that has plenty of technicians that could do that for me. There was just little old me. Little old Laura Hollis. And no one else.

What would Lois Lane do right now? Other than hire someone to do it who actually was great with technology - Meaning not me. I know! Google it!

I ran back to my room missing a step and falling up the stairs in traditional comic strip style but I didn’t let that stop me for too long as I was determined to find Carm. I was thankful that my falling over things hadn’t woken my Dad up and luckily had no more issues whilst heading back to my room.

Once in my room, I shut the door behind me and rammed open the lid on my laptop with so much power I was surprised that I didn’t break it in two. The wait for it to load felt like a millennium. It probably was no longer than normal but I was so desperate and my heart pounded so loudly in my chest that my whole body shook with every beat. I was excited and the adrenaline rush streaming around my body wasn’t helping me try to remain calm at all.

It finally loaded and I instantly googled ‘How to trace an IP address from a website comment’ and prayed that there would be some results that could help me. But it seemed that there was no avail, the only searches I could find were ones that said they had spammers commenting anonymously on their site and were told to disable that feature.

My heart sunk so far into my chest that it felt like I’d lost a part of me. I was Rose and my heart was Jack. I was never going to find a way to get Carm back. She wanted me to move on and maybe I should, if that’s what she wants then I should.

I turned my laptop off and decided to go to sleep. I was devastated, how am I supposed to just move on from this woman who was everything I could have wanted on my first few meets. Maybe she wasn’t the woman of my dreams or anything remotely like that but she was the closest I’d ever come to that woman and I was just going to let her go because I was going to be selfless.

‘No!’ I exclaimed to myself as I sat upright in my bed, ‘For once in my life, I’m going to be selfish!’

I leapt out of bed once again and headed downstairs. Surely someone at the library will be able to help me. There must be a book or they might know someone who is good with tech that can help me!

I grabbed my keys and realised that I hadn’t driven in an unbelievably long time that I thought I might have forgotten how to drive but I would remember, I had to, I had to for Carmilla. I sat behind the steering wheel and I quickly reminded myself of the cockpit protocol. Doors - I elbowed the door to make sure it was closed properly and of course in typical Laura Hollis fashion I managed to hit my funny bone. I let out a little yelp but was determined to get back to Carm’s arms that I wouldn’t let a little pain stop me. Seat - Well, I was the last person to sit in it so as I doubted I’d need to adjust how far my feet were from the pedals. I felt for my clutch and realised I couldn’t reach it at all. The first thing that ran through my mind was that I’d shrunk. I’d spent so long in bed and now I was a hobbit! I quickly adjusted my seat to get myself to the pedals. Steering Wheel - Surely I wouldn’t need to adjust how much my backrest needed to be moved would I? No, I did. It was like the whole ride height had been changed in my car. Seatbelt - Check. Mirrors - They were crazily all over the place. How did everything change when I was the last person to use my car? Had someone been in here more recently? I couldn’t think of anyone who had. Not even my Dad had used my car as he had his own car right now.

I turned the keys in the ignition and went onto my Sat Nav to find my nearest library although something unusual happened with my Sat Nav, it popped up saying that I hadn’t cancelled my last journey even though I’d arrived. I was about to mindlessly switch it off and say that I’d completed it until I looked at the origin of the destination.

_16 Fraungrubersraße, Mariatrost, Graz._

I had no idea where this was. I hadn’t searched this. Plus I always made sure to cancel my journey’s when I arrived because it was a pet peeve of mine when I lent it out to people. But I hadn’t lent it out to anyone for ages had I?

I sat for a while trying to figure out who used my car last. The last time I used it was to go out to the shops to buy my dress. I’d used my other car for the awards ceremony. Who could have used my car since then? Wait… I let Carm use my car.

I sat in silence unsure of what to do. That would be why my seat was different, Carm had used my car and she’s taller than I am so she’d have a different ride height. Oh my God. Was this where she lived? Of course it was! I had to go there now!

I set my Sat Nav to direct me but before I turned on the engine I had a thought, was this going too far? Ending up on her doorstep when she asked me to move on? Fuck it. I had to try, she didn’t understand that I needed to see what we could be and if she never wanted to speak to me after then I’d give her that space, of course I would. I just had to try one last time. Surely it couldn’t hurt.

I set off for her address and let my thoughts run wild as to what I would say to her. She lived the opposite side of the city from me so I had a while to think. What would she think when she saw me? Would she slam the door on my face? Would she welcome me? Would she call the Police? I thought of all the possibilities but she was worth it. Of course she was.

I turned the radio on to try and calm me down a bit and I began to listen to the lyrics that were being sung from the speakers.

_Yet you understand_  
_Yeah like no one can_  
_We both know what they say about us_  
_But they don’t stand a chance because_

_When I’m with you_  
_When I’m with you_  
_I’m standing with an army_  
_Standing with an army_

The perfect song for the perfect time. If only my life was a film right now then this would be the song I’d have to choose to be playing on top of it. Too bad this isn’t fictional.

The car journey felt like it was lasting forever but I knew it wasn’t. My mind was just prolonging it in case I got rejected. This last glimmer of hope was what my mind needed to survive and I don’t know how it would react without her in my life. How badly would I lose my mind?

I continued to follow the Sat Nav, the little voice telling me where to go, ‘Biegen Sie hier rechts ab,’ she’d say. I did as she said and turned right and as I looked over to the Sat Nav screen I realised that I could see my final destination on the screen. I had to remind myself to breathe a little bit as I momentarily forgot and felt light headed.

Before I knew it I was turning around a bend and her house was on the right. It looked like there was a set of 2 apartments. One on top of the other and I wondered which one was hers as the butterflies went crazy in my belly. I was seriously here. I was showing up at my super-hot-non-ex’s apartment without her even knowing that I knew where she lived. There was honestly something wrong with me but I just couldn’t stop now that I was here.

I parked my car on the driveway that was big enough for 4 cars and tried to shut my door as quietly as possible so that I didn’t startle her. That was my worst fear. She saw I was coming and would call the police and have me arrested in some sick and twisted revenge for me getting her locked up.

I approached the front door and was thankful to see that there wasn’t a buzzer on the door. I could just open it and find her apartment. I saw my reflection in the glass and realised that all the colour had drained from my face. As if I wasn’t pale enough already! Could you imagine when Carm opened the door to find me there she might think I was a vampire? And wouldn’t that be embarrassing? Kissing a vampire. Well that’s if we got that far.

I noticed that the apartment on the bottom floor was number 15. No, the address was 16. So Carm lived on the top floor. I was so nervous but so excited at the same time. It hadn’t even crossed my mind if this was even her address or she’d just driven here. I’d taken so many assumptions but I couldn’t care less. At least if she’d been here then someone would know where she was right?

I climbed the stairs and was meeted with an ominous looking grey door that had a swipe card on the left hand side. It reminded me of a hotel room door and thought that it was pretty cool. She was still the daughter of the Dean of Silas so probably had enough to own a hotel, why not live in a hotel style apartment?

I assumed I could just knock. I hoped it would make it through the door as I didn’t see any bell. I knocked as loud as I could without even thinking. Oh my God. This was it. 100% actually happening.

I waited but there was no answer. What if she was out? I hadn’t even thought about that. There was only one car in the driveway, what if that belonged to the floor beneath? Or what if she knew it was me and was refusing to open the door? Or if she couldn’t hear my knocking because there was actually a bell that I couldn’t see? What if…

The door opened.

She stood there. In a red satin robe that depicted leopards or jaguars on it. Her hair was wet and she’d obviously just stepped out of the shower. She was definitely shocked to see me. Usually her face, her beautiful face, revealed very little emotion but there was no way of doubting what was going through her head.

It took a while for me to say anything. Her beauty was intoxicating and I could almost pass out from the nerves I was feeling.

‘Hey,’ I whispered, the sound of my heart thumping made it impossible for me to hear, but I know I said it. I’m sure I said it.

‘Hey,’ she responded back. It was her, it was really her.

‘Hey,’ I repeated with more assurance than before.

‘How did you find me?’

‘You used my car and you forgot to press that you’d arrived on my Sat Nav so I knew where you lived and I know I shouldn’t just turn up when you wanted me to leave but I read your message on my blog and thought that if you were still replying and were checking on it then maybe you still wanted us to be something because that’s what I want too and I needed to check one last time because I’m so sorry for hurting you and…’ I gulped in a massive breath of fresh air realising I hadn’t taken a breath, ‘I think I’ve fallen for you.’

I said it. I couldn’t believe that I’d said it but I had. Now she couldn’t just say that I didn’t want us. I basically had left my heart out on the floor and it was up to her to see if she wanted to pick it up and put it back in my chest or stamp over it and hurt me.

Her expression became unreadable but it was definitely softer. Softer than I’d seen it recently. It was as soft as the nervous Carmilla I’d experienced on the first date. I so badly wanted to reach up and hold her beautiful face in my hands and tell her that I was unbelievably genuine in all I had said but I needed her to make the next move. Even if that was slamming the door on my face.

She moved a little closer to the wall, ‘Come in,’ she responded whilst gesturing with her head to be double sure that I’d heard her correctly.

I walked through into a large hallway. To the right was a bedroom that was evidently hers and to the left was a bathroom. It was bright and airy and completely not Carmilla’s style, or at least, not the style I thought she had. Carm was now pushing past me and leading the way down the hall. I began to follow and saw that just after the bathroom was another room that was the toilet. But it was the room I was lead into that made my jaw drop.

The living room/dining room/kitchen was stunning. There were south facing floor to ceiling windows directly in front of me that looked over the nearby woodland with a sunny terrace outside the sliding doors that had a perfectly placed deck chair and parasol on the one side. She had small light shades that were in the style of chandeliers with a modern black leather sofa suite in the middle of the room and a large white dining table closest to the windows. On the wall closest to me was a large bookshelf that was filled from ceiling to floor in a variety of books and a record player on one of the larger shelves with vinyls tightly packed into the singular shelf. There was no TV, unless it was hidden, in fact there were no signs of technology, not even a computer which confused me terribly. But this was her house. Where she lived.

I saw another room to the right that had a single bed in it and as I looked around to the granite worktop units in the kitchen, I could see a small room behind me that housed the washing machine and dryer. It was the most magical apartment I’d ever had the pleasure of being in. And what made it even better was the fact that it was her apartment. I was here, in her apartment. With her. And I’d just admitted that I was falling for her and she hadn’t ran away but stayed and let me in. Did this mean she wanted me too?

‘Would you like a drink?’ she offered as she leaned against the kitchen island to my left. She looked beautiful and I couldn’t help but eye her up and down.

‘Do you have any hot chocolate?’ I asked.

She smiled as she walked around the island to a cupboard on the side wall.

‘I’m surprised you decided to find me,’ Carmilla announced.

‘I told you why,’ I reminded her, ‘I really am sorry. I really do care about you. And I feel like I haven’t said that before but I’ve really been looking towards the future and I just don’t think I can see it without you being in it.’

She turned to face me as she switched on the kettle.

‘Did you really mean that you were falling for me?’

‘I already have,’ I whispered.

‘God, Laura. I don’t know what to do. You make me so mad and after everything you’ve done, how can I ever forgive you? You’re the idiot girl who I’ve been told ‘can never be with you’ by the press, who got my mother killed and is the reason for all of the trouble you’ve been in. How do you honestly think I could ever see a future with you?’

My whole world came tumbling down and I felt the hot tears begin to stream down my face.

‘But you see, Laura, this is my point. When you start crying, I fold like a cheap tent. I just can’t be mad at you. And the only reason I can think that would result in that is because I’m falling for you too.’

I looked up at her and she gave me a small smile before turning back around and pouring out some hot chocolate for me.

This was it. She’d actually said it. She wanted me too and I had to show her that I so desperately wanted her, I needed her. I had to do this.

I began to walk up to her and was standing feet from her when she turned around to hand me my hot chocolate. I took it in my hands and placed it back on the worktop which confused Carmilla for a little second.

‘Did you really mean that you were falling for me?’ I echoed her words from earlier.

She stepped closer to me and I had to catch my breath. Have I ever mentioned how beautiful she really is? Electricity sparked through our bodies, jumping from our skin that was getting closer and closer and I knew that she could feel it too as she briefly closed her eyes and smiled with pleasure. She felt the exact same way I did right now and I knew that it was actually going to happen. We were going to kiss. There was nothing that could get in the way this time; not a fire, not someone bursting in through the door, there was just us and I wasn’t going to let this moment pass by without getting what we both wanted.

My heart pounded so hard that I thought it was going to fly out of my chest like Bugs Bunny in Looney Tunes. I looked up into her eyes as we moved in closer and saw the glints of daylight in her chocolate coloured eyes, there was only one thing I loved more than chocolate at that moment, and that was her. More than anything I wanted to feel her lips on mine and to feel what I’d been denied of so many times before.

Her hands flew towards my face, cupping me gently but demandingly as she leaned into my lips. I closed my eyes so I could relish in what was coming. Her lips met mine. They were soft and lightly wet which made kissing her even more enjoyable as the electricity sparked between us. I was on top of the world as our mouths moved in time with one another to make the most of the moment we had. I lost myself in the smell of her metallic breath and placed my arms on her triceps, feeling the soft and silky texture of her robe beneath my fingertips. My senses were on overdrive as I tried to make sense of what was happening. This was perfect and everything I’d ever imagined.

We parted and my eyes flew open in response but she was there, staring into my eyes with a love and warmth that I’d never seen before but wanted to see again.

‘I liked that,’ I whispered.

Her smile beamed and she leaned back in, pecking me on my lips again and she began to lean back out. I followed her desperately. I didn’t want this to end. We were now going to play a game of cat and mouth with one another’s lips and I chased back after hers whilst trying to quiet the squeals of joy that were involuntarily escaping my mouth.

As my lips touched hers once again, she kissed me back and I placed my arms around her waist but before I could lean back into kiss her, she pushed my face away gently and scanned my eyes as if searching for something. I don’t know what it was and I’ve never thought to ask but she seemed to find it as her smile grew huge, like the Cheshire Cat.

I don’t know how long we stood there, staring into one another’s eyes but I didn’t care. I never wanted this moment to end. I ran my fingers through her still damp hair and leaned back in to steal another cheeky kiss which she didn’t refuse. I wanted to stay there, with my lips tied to hers in an invisible bond, sharing the same oxygen with one another and never having a reason to let each other go.

But I realised that it felt natural to lean out. I wasn’t hungry for her lips any longer and my thirst had been quenched. She began to copy my actions as she ran her fingers through my fringe that was resting lightly on the sides of my face as I still held her by her waist, taking in every inch of the image before my eyes. From the way her eyebrows were perfectly sculpted by the God’s (Or by her - But what was honestly the difference at this point) to the way her mouth wrinkled up as she smiled with genuine happiness. I was the reason for that happiness. I’d finally made her happy.

I caught her involuntarily eyeing me up and down, her eyes landing on my neck for long periods of time and when she saw I was noticing, she wore a sheepish look as though she were a naughty school child who had just been caught copying the answers from the student next to them.

‘At last!’ I smiled

Carmilla began to giggle as she stepped out of my bubble and walked over to the bookcase to pull out a vinyl and place it on the turntable next to it.

A song began to play that I didn’t recognise and wondered what Carm was doing, until the strings began to quiet and I instantly recognised it as Etta James.

_At last_  
_My love has come along_  
_My lonely days are over_  
_And life is like a song_

She walked back over to me and took me in by the waist before starting to waltz with me as we shared another deep and passionate kiss.

*

_So I suppose this is the end of one chapter in my life and the beginning to another. Be true to who you are and what you believe in, and never give up on that special person if you believe they are the one. Goodnight Creampuffs._

I closed the lid on my laptop. My journalism blog was doing well and Carm and I were happy. I’d finally found a way to keep both of my loves in my life.Goodnight Creampuffs. I closed the lid on my laptop. My journalism blog was doing well and Carm and I were happy. I’d finally found a way to keep both of my loves in my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over :'(
> 
> Thank you to all of you who have supported me on my wild ride and have remained loyal to reading this even if I don't have a very structured update system because I suck *giggles*
> 
> I'm currently planning my next story. It's a one shot so there isn't too much to worry about when it comes to me updating it. I've spent a long while writing it to be fair as I just haven't been able to find the right words for this last chapter (Hopefully you agree that it was worth the wait) so it shouldn't be too long before that comes out. If you want to keep updated then please subscribe to me :)
> 
> Thanks Creampuffs. And as always, please leave kudos and comment below like you wonderful people always do <3

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to comment with any reviews to help me improve my writing and make it more enjoyable for all the Creampuffs out there. I should hopefully be updating this every week, apologies if I miss a week or am late though, it will be because I'm working on angst or fluff :)


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